Stopping the Madness Step 3

 

 

Step # 3

Lets have a Funeral

The steps to release tension of obsessions can be very difficult thus causing us to fight the urge to change however, I hope to bring positivity in your life and bring healthy relationship changes for a spiritual awakenings. 

It is very difficult to control something that has been out ones control for a while. Its can also be even more complex if it is the only way that perhaps you may have thought it worked in a relationship. Often obsession is an outlet for our own suppression to a certain dilemma your lives and this is the only outlet that you can use without destroying your self but we soon find out it not only destroying us but destroying the people around us as well.  

The steps to resist obsession or rather control obsession can be very intricate.  Especially, at time we may find our selves doing the very thing that we said to ourselves we would not do.  Instead of punishing our selves we may want to try to say, “Wow I caught it” this means you are aware of it and not in defiance.

Now that you are not in denial and you began the step work because you either realized that the behavior patters are not working and that the relationships you carry are not sustainable or stable.  You may have also discovered that you may have been not as happy as you wanted to be in that relationship and you fought for a change but you may have thought it was the other persons fault because either they did not understand you, left you, betrayed your etc.

Though that first two steps were the most difficult in breaking the patterns of obsessions which were..

  1. To get fired
  2. You cant fix it   

And now…Step 3 : Have a funeral 

Now we are going into more personal nature it can only be difficult if you allow it to be but does not have to be.

We are all very weak to memories, some good and some bad.  We also notice when we go to our relative’s homes or visit friends and can’t seem to understand as to why they keep things from years back or start talking about things that happen years ago and often we mistake it as lectures. But what we seem to not understand is we do the same thing. But sometimes those things we hold on to are not always good. Especially when it comes to old relationships memories, especially material things such as letters, pictures, clothing, emails, things that our partner gave to us etc. Matter a fact it is such venom that even after the relationship is long over we look back at the memories of that other person and never give a 100% to our new partner because we are always in a comparison mode.

Often times we must let go of patterns of behavior that is really unhealthy for us.  Sometimes we need to let go of people that are unhealthy as well. Sometimes all as failed and the only resort is some sort of a funeral service.  Whether you are a Christian, Catholic, Jewish, Muslim, Hindu or any religion it does not matter.  What matters is how honest are you to your self to want to do this? The only way to bring healthy things in our lives is to understand everything in life dies.

We are so fixated to attachment to something to someone that sometimes we hang on to relationships because we do not want to be alone or hang on to material things because perhaps we can have that time back.  But we can not recover the past, we can not be afraid of being alone because we all have been alone when we were younger and we did just fine. The world that you may have lived in was a fantasy can not be realistic now.  You have to be healthy to bring healthy relationships but to do this we have to inventory our selves. There are only 3 steps of this inventory. Ask you’re self:

 What’s so good about holding on to things or feelings of the past?

  1. What is the worst that could happen if I don’t hold on to it?
  2. What am I so afraid of? Is it because I know I am not perfect or he is not perfect?

I always say that the value of relationship definition comes from our own expectations, and it has been researched and theorized that when we have high expectations we always fail, because we are not accepting of a situation, person or place the way it is rather we are living in a fantasy where we mold it into what we think it should be.

To be able to disconnect the cord of dysfunctional tendencies we must disconnect ourselves from the material world by symbolically doing things on a physical plane so that we affect it in our spiritual plane.

 When you realize the person whom are with is not really on the spiritual or emotional plane as you are and you know deep in your heart that no matter what you try no matter how much you tell that person how you feel it seems like a dead end and the only thing you are holding on to is the “honeymoon state” then you know it is really not meant to be.

 Or

When you realize that the other person has betrayed your trust or even that the other person is with someone else and going back and forth can not continue. The more you let go the more the person goes back and forth.

This is because you are attached to them on a physical world and they continue to destroy your spiritual world. The only you can detach is disconnect on a physical plane.

 

So lets have a funeral.. and here is how it is done.

  1.  Gather every letter, physical items, photographs even gifts place them in a box and write a letter to the universe where you must release the energy of that person because you have to.  It is affecting you spiritually, emotionally, physically and financially.  I personally have done this many times in my life not only with the ones I have been a relationship with but even friends because even friends have a way of darning you.  
  2. Go in nature or even near a place where people will not mind you burning things or even your backyard if you have one.  Remember they are just material things cost should not matter because it was real at that time and today is no longer real. Do not gas it but use camphor and light the camphor inside the box or boxes.  Depending upon the number of items in the box it may take time.  But be sure you place aluminum foil at the bottom of the box so that it does not damage the ground. During which time ask the universe to let the healing begin with you and the other party and help you forgive the other person for their actions and help you understand why this had to be let go. I have often done Astrotravel or even meditated during the burning process. 
  3. After the items are done burning and even those that did not burn.  Bury them under a tree or near things that grow.  Make sure you place flowers on the ground. 
  4. Make a few confessions to the universe such as I bury this which was once a part of my life now it has out grown me.  Or Help me meet the person who is worthy of me.  Or bring me solutions where my energy should go rather then focusing on others to make me happy or trying hard to help others.

Through these methods we allow the universe to pull away the negative energy from you and bring light where it is needed.  According to Judy Hayes in her book Smart Love, she says “When you are letting of old beliefs and habits and began to replace them with positive ones, this is sure a sign that you are on the right road to recovery”(2001, pg 46). However the recovery begins with you.  The longer you hold on to the past the more difficult it is to move into the future.

 This type of behavior is not negative, rather positive that you are setting boundaries in your own life, because until you learn to love your self-you can not possibly love others. 

Ask your self this.. do I want to continue to chase rainbows or do I want relationships that are the healing work of the universe? If it is the latter then ask your self can you go to step 4?

As you know prior to blogging, the first place this topics are announced is on blog talk radio, below is the link to the show.  The show is only one hour long due to the fact of my own every day life exhausted me and many people were down because of the Full moon in Leo.  I know full moon’s always exhaust me…  

Listen to Maharani Rutan on Blog Talk Radio

Enjoy the show!

Namaste

Maharani

Stopping the madness #2

Stop its not broken..

Do not fix it…

Obsession is not an easily control habit. Every one is obsessed with some thing in one way or the other and each and every one of us has Obsessive Compulsive Disorder of some sort.  Though we may not see it or others may not observe it. Often times even our closest family or friends may choose to ignore or not notice it. Hence, they too may have similar defects, thus justifying your defects with their own.

How ever there is an intervention to this type of behavior. One of first step to stopping the obsession is to get fired this means to allow ourselves not to get so caught up in other people’s lives that we loose control of our own.

STEP 2: FIXING IT

The second step is to repair it if you have a degree.

What do I mean about degree or repairing it? In first step of controlling obsession, this topic was discussed but very briefly.  It’s like any job especially those of prestige. For example we all play a doctor sometimes, we all play a repair person sometimes, we all try to fix things at times, and we think we can do it but sometimes in life we just cant.  We are powerless over things which we do not know and pretend to do the things we can not do and often make fools of our selves trying.

In a relationship we want to be loving, nurturing, kind, generous, understanding and most of all compassionate.  But isn’t it that we want the same from our partners? Men and women both have compassionate thoughts that we must be there for our partners at all cost this means to help them release their tension.  And if we do release it and help them find an outlet then they will appreciate us more.  But, we must realize a person should not love us for what we do rather who we are.  This may be very difficult to swallow, especially with people with co-dependent qualities.

Co-dependent qualities are mostly found or rather being birthed during early years of our lives.  Often times it stems from feeling helpless in our child hood times and feeling guilty of something that you were powerless over.  For example children who come from families of alcohol, drug or abusive situations or even emotionally enhanced situations are more prone to feel this than those who comes form a stable environment. Often times these children will take it upon themselves to place the blame of the addiction, emotional abuse, physical abuse or sexual abuse on themselves by convincing themselves. By repeating, “If I had been a better son/daughter mom/dad/sis would not have done drugs or drank”, “If I had been there and been stronger perhaps I could have saved my mom/dad/sis/brother from being beaten or sexually abused.” There are many reasons why we could be blaming ourselves.

These triggers of co-dependency stem from our own dysfunctional thoughts that we may have not had the nurturing we wanted or we have been abused psychically, mentally or spiritually and place the blame ourselves.  So it is natural to want to protect someone or fix someone or be the “helper.”

Often time this kind of behavior can either lead to the other person running away from you or they take an advantage because they too have been in situations where they may misunderstand your kindness for your obligation to them. In a relationship there should be NO obligation, it should be natural and it has to happen when we release these tendencies and focus upon being their, friend, companion, and a lover.  Sometimes a good friend does not lift you up in a difficult situation but allows you to fall and waits for you to ask for help, and a true friend does not help but allows you to find your own way home and cheers you on when you are helping your self. A good friend says, if there is anything you need let me know.  A good friend says, “I love you, please take care of you” and a good friend do not say, “Can I fix it for you? Should I do this or that? Do you want me to do this or that?” Most of all a good friend is simply by your side rather than impose them on to you and allow you the time and space you need to become a stronger person.

When we have fixed all our lives it is hard to break these patterns, but to do this there has to be an admission to want to adjust ones behavior. This means that you do not have to be the one that “saves the day”, nor do you have to be “Cinderella or the Knight in a shining armor”, because that is a fantasy land and it can only last for a short time.  Because if you continue to save their day, then what happens when they do not save your day? When Cinderella keeps working until there is nothing left then what happens? The Fairy God mother shows her something else where she does not have to work so hard.

What happens when a Knight looses his armor? Inside that Armor he is just a man looking to be found but he keeps playing the Knight which he is not.  According to Jody Hayes, in her book Smart Love, she explains that this attitude can become an obsession which can cause negative impact to relationships across the board. “It can wreak havoc with intimate relationships, in which the tendency is to confuse love with pity and therefore, to try to rescue those we love. When we behave this way, and after while all of our energy reserves are depleted.  We have little left to give to others-much less our selves” (2001, pg.40).  We can not fix anything we do not know how to fix.

In the first step of stopping the madness, I suggested to get fired or quit your job of being obsessed.  I gave an example how you can not be a waitress when you can’t pick up after yourself.  In the second step there must be an understanding that two people can not look at the same object the same way. There is always some difference. Just because you may have gone through a similar situation that does not mean the other person is going through it in the same dilemma or feeling the same as you had felt.  If you have had financial difficulties in the past and you got two jobs to support your self, then you can not tell another person to do the same because…

A. They might not listen

B. That may think you are telling them what to do.

C. Making them feel inadequate.

Just because a person is coming to you to tell you about their problems that does not mean you have to fix it.  Sometimes people just need to vent.  This does not mean you have to fix it.  It just means they have to get it off their chest.  Unless you hear phrases like, “What do you think I should do?” or “Don’t you think..” or “ Do you know how ..? That is a person who may be asking for your opinion NOT to fix but just your opinion. You are not supposed to be their solution but someone who listens.  Why do you think that going to a psychologist, social worker even a psychic is on a volunteer basis? Because they admitted they have a dilemma and they need guidance on trying to find out the root of the problem.  They want direction.  Also because it seems that you have already told them what to do or you did not listen.  This is why I always say there is no black and white, there is no Yes or No’s it is the gray area that matters.

Between each story or a dilemma there are two sides, there is their side, and there is the other side and in between is the truth. When we befriend someone we do not expect our friends to always rescue us but we rely on them to be there for us.  There is a big difference.  A true friend/lover/family member may slap you hard verbally but that does not mean they do not love you.  I am sure each and every one of you has had your mom scold you and the next day they told you they loved you.  This just means they do not like the situation but that does not stop them from carrying for you. This is to just to say, figure it out and remember I still love you. Please do not mistake this for accepting physical or emotional abuse-it is a matter of metaphor, no one should take any kind of abuse.

Before one can be in a relationship with anyone, especially a romantic one, two people first have to be friends.  This means since you can not fix you must learn to listen; if you want people to listen to you then you must acknowledge you have heard them. In the Reford Williams book, Anger Kills, he states there is “ABC of listening.

A. Is to decide that conversation is not about you or your experiences or your solutions and you can not associate the conversation is about you.

B. Before speaking your own mind, repeat to the other person what you understand that the message is.  It may be redundant but you can place it in your own words so that person knows you heard them.

C. As you practice to listen and allow the other person the benefit of the doubt that you heard what they had to say.  Then you embed the bonding and enjoy the world of not being the fixer” (1984, pg. 183).  Listening is as important as being heard this allows more interactions of solidarity in any kind of relationship.

Often times, it is difficult to apply these tendencies because often times we don’t feel that we have been heard so we practice the “norm” which is to speak over them or become aggressive with our own behavior. However, you know being the fixer has not always worked for you because either it has killed the relationship pre-maturely or it has killed your affection.  So, how do we fix our selves so that we do not continue to fix others? This is simpler than the first step and as you will notice as we continue to bring other step work it become easier.

  1. Instead of worrying about how the other person is feeling emotionally, mentally or spiritually, you must first work on your self so that you are able to help with complete discretion when they ask for it.  This means take care of your self, get exercise, do yoga, and pray for your needs rather than wants. And learn to leave things in the higher power hands.  As they say go with the flow.
  2. Instead of trying to help someone with their finances, take a deep look at your own see if you have any justification or stability to give them that kind of advise? Fix your self, stop spending, start saving, work hard, build a retirement fund, pay your bills on time, work a lot if needed to stabilize your own financial situation before you begin to be someone else financial advisor, you do not have a MBA if you did then you would not be listening this instead you will be living your life in financial comfort and letting things happen naturally. Opinions count but not advise.
  3. Instead of trying to help someone that has an addiction of some sort, try to find out what you’re bad habits are first and fix them, to be a expert you must learn to quit because you have no qualification to speak of this.  Your experiences count not your advice.
  4. Instead of trying to find solutions of intimacy issues in the partner by helping them find medicine or to try to find the root of their problem try too look into your own.  Ask your self the question what do you need to be satisfied? If you are not getting everything you need then are you reflecting this on to your lover intentionally or unintentionally?
  5. Instead of trying to find solutions for them do you have all the solutions in your life? Are you trying to justify your self gratification by playing God? Even if they don’t ask for it?

Always remember a person has to ask for help.  You can not assume because when you do you often make a a.. of your self never the other person.  You might want to consider that when a person is talking or venting, that they are venting, repeat what they said in your own observation, then you might want to re-phrase the answer “In my experience…” or “In my opinion..” or “I know you can solve this your self because you know what you need to do..”, “I don’t see a problem here because it seems you have it all figured out.. Why don’t you feel confident in your self?” or “do you really need my help?” A ounce of encouragement and acknowledgement goes a long way since we are all ego driven.

All this can not happen if you do not decide that you are NOT the center focus. But to improve our relationships there has to be a understanding, adaptation, improvising and transformation. Accept that these changes will NOT happen over night if it does it is premature and 99% of the time you will revert back to your old self.  But most of all do you have the strength or the capability to improve even more by going to Step 3?

If you wish to listen to the live version of this topic, you may click on the link below. It was aired live on BlogTalk Radio on January 22, 2010 at 9pm.

Listen to Maharani Rutan on Blog Talk Radio

Namaste

Maharani

January 2010 Winners

Every week there are winners, just follow me on BlogTalk Radio as well as patrons of Psychicbitch, and Psychicbiatch are more than welcome to enter, just join our show and listen go to “special give away tab” and begin you journey.

Winners January 29, 2010

BlogTalk Listeners Winner Circle

  

Topic of the discussion was how to began the step work #3 to stop obsessive patterns in a relationship.

I want to personally congratulate the following friends, for their free gifts this is such a simple contest that you need to show up at the show and follow the tab special give aways. And many of you did just that; and some participated. Here are the confirmed winners for January 29, 2010, (I am only going to put first names for privacy reasons).

Since I was only able to stay on for one hour it became quite difficult for me to keep up with all the readings therefore… at this time there is only one confirmed winner..

  • Mellissa (Redeemed 1/31/2010 Value 19.99)


If I have missed your name and you were present at the show please take the time to fill out the
Contact me form and I will check the log. If you do not contact me within 24 hours after the airing of the show the entry will not be valid.

Every week there is a new topic of the week, whether it is about relationships or lunar changes but there is always something new.

Once again congratulations go out to all those who listen and those who applied the steps to begin their life to a loving journey of solidarity.

Namaste

Maharani

 

Winners January 22, 2010

BlogTalk Listeners Winner Circle

Topic of the discussion was how to began the step work to stop obsessive patterns in a relationship.

I want to personally congratulate the following friends, for their free gifts this is such a simple contest that you need to show up at the show and follow the tab special give aways. And many of you did just that; and some participatedHere are the confirmed winners for January 22, 2010, (I am only going to put first names for privacy reasons).

Blog Talk Give aways

  • Carol W ~ Minutes towards next full reading (value 19.99)
  • Cheryl K ~Minutes towards next full reading (value 19.99)
  • Melissa~ Destiny reading 60 days (value 19.99)
  • Robert ~ Minutes toward next full reading (19.99)
  • Tempas~ Spiritual reading 90 days (Value 19.99)
  • Warren~ Destiny reading 60 days (Value 19.99)

If I have missed your name and you were present at the show please take the time to fill out the Contact me form and I will check the log. If you do not contact me within 24 hours after the airing of the show the entry will not be valid.

Every week there is a new topic of the week, whether it s in focus of relationships or lunar changes but there is always something new.

Once again congratulations go out to all those who listen and those who applied the steps to begin their life to a loving journey of solidarity.

Winners of Special Gifts

January 15, 2010

Topic of the discussion was how to stop the obsession in a relationship and the Solar Eclipse of the sun.

I want to personally congratulate the following friends, for their free gifts This is such a simple contest that you need to show up at the show and follow the above steps. And many of you did just that; and some participated

Here are the confirmed winners for January 15, 2010 , (I am only going to put first names for privacy reasons) .

Blog Talk Give aways

  • Carol W ~ Min towards a full reading (Retail Value $19.99)
  • Cheryl K ~ Min towards a full reading (Retail Value $19.99)
  • Elizabeth~ Destiny Reading Received on 1/16/10 (Retail Value $19.99)
  • Robert ~ Min towards a full reading (Retail Value $19.99)
  • Tessa~ Destiny Reading Received 1/17/10 (Retail Value $19.99)

(I must hear from some of you with information as well as what you have choosen)

If I have missed your name and you were present at the show please take the time to fill out the Contact me form and I will check the log. If you do not contact me within 24 hours after the airing of the show the entry will not be valid.

Every show that was broacasted through blog talk radio was archived with the topic of the week and the topic of December was expectations, chapter 6 of expectations was not broadcasted through blog talk becasue they are just applications.

Link to the show is below Listen to Maharani Rutan on Blog Talk Radio

The show begins at 9pm EST until 11pm EST every Friday night and you do not have to stay for the entire show you may come say hello and stay a little bit if you wish to or join our chat.

Here is the new number to Call-in Number: (914) 338-0876  

Namaste
Maharani

Winners of Special Gifts

January 8, 2010

I want to personally congratulate the following friends, for their free gifts This is such a simple contest that you need to show up at the show and follow the above steps. And many of you did just that; and some participated

Here are the confirmed winners for January 8, 2010 , (I am only going to put first names for privacy reasons) .

Blog Talk Give aways

  • Melissa (Offer Expired 1/10/2010 5pm EST)
  • Shunika (Offer Expired 1/10/2010 5pm EST)
  • Tesa (Offer Expired 1/10/2010 5pm EST)

(This is what happens when instructions are not followed and emails are not checked on a regular basis)

If I have missed your name and you were present at the show please take the time to fill out the Contact me form and I will check the log. If you do not contact me within 24 hours after the airing of the show the entry will not be valid.

Every show that was broacasted through blog talk radio was archived with the topic of the week and the topic of December was expectations, chapter 6 of expectations was not broadcasted through blog talk becasue they are just applications.

Link to the show is below Listen to Maharani Rutan on Blog Talk Radio

The show begins at 9pm EST until 11pm EST every Friday night and you do not have to stay for the entire show you may come say hello and stay a little bit if you wish to or join our chat.

Here is the new number to Call-in Number: (914) 338-0876

Namaste
Maharani

Stopping the Madness

FINDING HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS.

.. IT BEGINS WITH YOU

Letting go of obsessive behavior patterns in a relationship is not easy.  It can be very painful transition on an emotional, spiritual and physical level.  But for this to happen we must admit to our selves that we do have a problem.  We must also examine why our relationships do not fulfill us in the aspect we want it to. To do this we have to understand why we may think we are obsessed.  But it is apparent that you may think that otherwise you would not be here.

To able to recognize obsessionwe must clearly define the word obsession. This means to understand it on a psychological level and physiological level. This means that an obsessed person may have to read and re-read this to clearly understand where it is they stand in area of their relationship as well as to understanding obsessive behavior patterns. It is important to go over them again because we must continue to recognize.

As discussed in the previous chapter, many psychologist, theorist and researchers have interrelated obsession to indulgence. Webster Dictionary defines obsession as “a persistent disturbing preoccupation with an often unreasonable idea or feeling; broadly: compelling motivation” (on the web). Therefore, agreeing that obsession is a feeling and we know that feelings are never consistent but always flux depending upon the relationship as well as the environment. Additionally, it has been proven that obsession is control geared through oppression of some sort. This means that obsession has oppressive energies we often constrain our selves without knowing it. According to Iris Young’s article Five Faces of Oppression, “While these constrains include distributive patterns, they also involve matters which cannot be easily assimilated to logic of distribution or decision-making procedures” (2004, pg 43). In easier terms Young is stating that oppression is a trigger which allows for obsession to constraints us. It also causes us to have only one way of thinking and logic is used only to justify our actions of obsessive behavior.

Though it is not easy to break the patters of these cycles it can be done. According to Jody Hayes, author of Smart Love, “this means letting go of our over involvement in the lives of others. It means letting go of depending on others for approval and of the need to have others act certain ways” (2002, pg37). There has to be some sort of consideration to realize our patterns through behavior. This is to embed the process to think about what we did or what we were doing before we got so involved in the life of others but it also means that we must admit that we are obsessive.

But to understand and admit that we are obsessed, there has to be a certain pattern that we continue to follow, which is to understand why we are never fully happy with our relationships even when things are going great. That the life spans of our relationships are short lived. Or that we keep going back to our ex only do end up making promises we can not keep, thus brining the relationship back exactly where it was when things got chaotic. Additionally, to understand and accept which is the number one step; admitting that we do have a problem is simply to recognize it first.

Though some of these questions may be redundant from the previous chapter,.it is important to go over them again because we must continue to recognize.

 

 

What is obsessive behavior in a love relationship ?

(from the beginning from 1 to 6 mo)

1. Buying your partner expecting appreciation and more affection in return.
2. Wanting to spend every moment with them and getting mad when they have other plans
3. Getting jealous when they talk about the opposite sex or someone they find attractive.
4. Getting upset when they do not return your calls right away
5. Getting upset when they do not invite you to a certain event or gathering.
6. Getting upset when they do not want to introduce you to their friends or family.
7. Getting upset when they have priorities in their lives and you are not one of them.
8. Getting upset when they don’t want you to come over or want to come over.
9. Getting upset when they are not always being feeling oriented (touchy feely)
10. Getting upset when they do not want to be intimate as much as you.

 

The obsessive behavior patterns in a long term relationships are often the same as the one in a brand new relationship however, the matters of commitments may be the core issues which causes insecurities. And by this time the oppressor has already failed recognize their obsession which was outlined as red flags, sending triggers but they choose to ignore it. Additionally, the suppressed enabled the oppressor by allowing this type of behavior and misunderstanding it as love and having hope it will change in the future.

Here are some of the issues of a long term relationship obsessive behaviors

1. Wanting to know what your partner is doing every moment.
2. Wanting to help resolve partner emotional, financial and spiritual issues.
3. Getting too involved with family and discussing your partners’ faults and looking for help.
4. Revealing your partner’s secrets to other people.
5. Wanting the partner to revolve their lives around yours.
6. Following them calling them and stocking them when they are being aloof and when nothing is found then making up a scenario to find out their reaction.
7. Trying too hard to fit into the friends and family circle of your partner.
8. Pushing for marriage when the other person is not ready spiritually, financially or emotionally.
9. Find the passwords of their email account or checking their messages if it be, text or otherwise.
10. Going through their personal belongings.

The worst part of this kind of behavior is that it can be difficult for a suppress to handle and often times they end up leaving because by this time they have lost all respect for you and their self-esteem is shattered so there is no room for real reconciliation because it is ego driven. The ego driven relationship could have three final conclusions:

1. The relationship happens very quickly everything happens quickly where two people could end up moving in together in a short period of time or plan for an engagement within months or even start making future plans which are to take place in 1 to 2 or even 3 years. They began to share finances, family as well as their own closet demons which they have not shared with anyone. And within a short period of time the engagement is broken or the suppressed moves out.
2. The relationship is not honest after some time the suppressed looks for solace in other areas of their lives by deceiving the situation through separating themselves from their partner in a indirect way for example, being dishonest, cheating, and being inconsistent with their behavior as well as communication. Additionally, they start hiding things from the oppressed waiting for a conflict to occur so they have a way out, not wanting to hurt the other person.
3. The relationship go into time out where now the suppressor has more control because the oppressor has felt so guilty that they try everything to bring the suppressed back into their life by making false promises. And the suppressed continues to maintain control by controlling the communication as well as the relationship. For example when things are good the suppressed actually wants to be with oppressed but when the pressure gets too much and the patterns are repeating then they run away again and again, therefore, there is neither real closure nor no real opening.

The question remains how does one stop the patterns of obsessive behavior? It has already been stated that obsessive behavior patterns is like a drug, you can not stop in an instant unless you have great resistant power. If you had great resistant power then you would not be in this dilemma. And most of all you would not be reading this unless you knew that some of the red flags are present. Like any addictive program it begins with steps and step work is very important for our resistance to negative patterns of behavior and a utility to bring healthy patterns in ones life.

Step 1

GET FIRED

First thing is to admit and get laid off from your job of trying to be obsessed and find another job which is to live your life before this all began. This means you are not your partner’s psychologist, mother, father, brother, sister, banker, maid, handyman, financial advisor, nor psychic advisor. You need not to solve any of your partner’s problems. If they ask for help then you may start the question by saying “I think…. , but I respect your decision” whether you like it or not it is their life. In turn they will respect you more by not trying to resolve their issues. Some people have the wrong idea that if they don’t help their partners or potential partners that the other person will feel that their partner does not care. A healthy relationship does not require obsessive behaviors. Detachment from the issues means to identify, my problems, his or her problems and our problems”, it also means to take care of your own needs so that the partner does not always have to worry about what you are doing and start fixing themselves and their issues. To do this you must..
A. Give them their freedom to do what they want whether you agree or not so that you are not their mommy or daddy.
B. Give them time so that they can resolve their own issues so that you are not their psychologist.
C. Give them respect by not enabling them by fixing their financial issues so that you are not their banker.
D. Give them their own pride so that you are not policing their lives
E. Give them integrity by letting them make their own decision so that you are not a nag,
F. Give them understanding so that you are not going around trying to help them make mends with their own conflicts with their friends, family or other relationships in their life so that you are not their mediator.
G. Give them respect whether they are correct or incorrect so that you give them honor.

Whether you choose to get fired or you quit it does not matter how you do it, what matter is that you do it, but remember you can not graduate or learn without doing your lessons and have the capacity to go to the next step which is to resolve issues outside of your occupation. So don’t go and find a job as a waitress when you can’t even pick up after you’re self. Most of all you can’t be a surgeon when you cant stand blood. Lastly, ask your self can I go to step 2? Have I learned or do I need to start all over again? But, most of all this worth it- Do I love my self enough to let the universe help me to get to step 2?

Ability to go to step 2 means that you are inviting ONLY healthy relationship that you are powerless over others, can you admit that? When you do then you are human and deserve respect and healing from the universe.

This topic was aired live on BlogTalk Radio on January 15, 2010 at 9pm EST.  The archived clip link is below..

Listen to Maharani Rutan on Blog Talk Radio

I hope you enjoy and decide to apply it to your life …

Namaste

Maharani

Annular Solar Eclipse & New Moon Capricorn

 

 

Annular Solar Eclipse

  &

New Moon Capricorn

(Archived for Capricorns reference)

On January 15, 2010 at approximately 2:07 am EST (11:07 pm PST on January 14, 2010) we will have annular Solar Eclipse of the sun.   It will also embark a new moon in Capricorn.  This is remarkable.  The eclipse is in the 26th degree of Capricorn, so people with Capricorn as well as fixed signs (Aquarius, Aries, Leo and Scorpios) including those that have Capricorn in their chart will be featured in their birth charts are more likely to be affected. Under this eclipse, people will want to turn their feelings into physical experiences. Before anything else there has to be action or some form of instant physical gratification.

Solar energy is external, paternal, protective, and active – and reflected and expressed from within our life force. This eclipse is particularly goal and purpose oriented – and our ideals and resolve can be enhanced and intensified. We begin to deeply consider our contributions in the world, and the full expression of our humanity. This 6-month period is a time to focus on community ties, networking, educating and nurturing closeness to siblings and friends. This particular Eclipse chart places a huge planetary emphasis in one area of the Zodiac. Gemini and Cancer are highly emphasized, and we need to guard against out-of-control patriotism, misunderstandings and over-sensitivity about boundaries. Tiny details can over-run long-term goals.

Few days prior to the New Moon, known as the DARK MOON, energies are at their lowest ebb, in preparation for the new cycle to begin. Each New Moon signifies the opportunity to begin a new cycle in your life. Depending on the elemental quality of the sign in which the New Moon falls, energies on variable levels are heightened, be they spiritual, physical, mental or emotional.  The modality of the sign determines whether the emphasis is on consecutiveness, power or adaptability.

This solar eclipse will bring out portions of healing, sensitivity, emotions, expressed needs, subconscious and reserve or quite side of you.

 

The moon in Capricorn the vibration of Saturn is emphasized. It is time for material ambition and an awareness of work and duty.  In the search for status the financial security, people might become insensitive even unsympathetically cruel, but the selfish necessity rather then animosity.

The Saturn influences of Capricorn cause pessimism or negativity to creep in.  Generally, while the Moon is in Capricorn energy is sluggish.  It is time for diligently applying your self to tasks while living solely in the present.

The Earthy Capricorn Moon sets us straight up the mountainside toward our highest goals.

The Earthy New Moon brings a time of brilliance and blossoming. It is a period of personal fulfillment, but also a time to search for the deeper meaning in what you’ve created. How can you integrate your vision into the world for the greater good of all? The New Moon signals a time of emergence. There is an impulse to take action and begin something new, be it a small change in the way you approach your daily routine or a whole new path on your journey through life. The energy is right for making spontaneous moves and following your instincts. This is the time to act from your heart and trust the process – take a risk, live in the moment, dance to your own drummer. The New Moon blesses new beginnings, and invites you to take a chance! What do you want to create in your life? What vision do you wish to manifest? The new begins a new cycle.  It is the seed of the beginning lunar cycle.  The chart of the New Moon is the key to influences in the coming lunar month.

The New Moon is an asking (invocative) time, and a time to formulate what our needs are according to the opportunities available through this moon in Capricorn. The moon urges you to recognize and honor the significance of the “other” – other people, other ideas, and other values. Relationships are of great importance at this time, and you feel a need to share, to merge, to partner, whether romantically or through other channels. You are called upon now to work toward achieving balance – balance of your inner nature and outer personality, balance of your need to take with your ability to give, balance of your ultimate ideals with what is possible in the world Capricorn Moon sets us straight up the mountainside toward our highest goals. Dig in those hooves and get climbing! Reputation, success, go,go,go….. You can tackle anything. Love seriously, too. This is the time to Harvest, Pray and be Thankful, and to work on fertility and prosperity.     You have a highly subjective personality. You strive to accomplish and fulfill your own personal plans and ideals. You tend to react impulsively and emotionally.

You seek propriety and dignity in all things – thus you may be one who does not readily express emotion. You take emotional situations seriously, weighing the outcome of your words and actions. You prefer to be with people who are disciplined and correct. You are ambitious, practical and a good leader. You nurture others by acknowledging their achievements and encouraging them to persevere. Your look to your mother for discipline and order, and may see her as a person of high status. 

Because the moon in Capricorn is Ambitious, Serious, Determined, Practical, and Capricious, and its effects are heightened as a Solar eclipse, you may choose to recite a mantra every morning until the next moon cycle. Remember that with all applications of psalms and mantras achieving the desired result is depended upon the quality of intention, and when it comes to finding a satisfying relationships and success, it is of the greatest importance to begin with a clear understanding of what your goal should be. The mantras can be hard to pronounce for many but it is a powerful source of energy the mantra for Capricorn moon is:

Capricorn Moon

Om Sri Shanaishwarya Namaha

(OM Sri Shan aish shwarya Namaha)

 Solar Eclipse is:

“ Om Eim Saraswatiyei Swaha”

( Om I’M Sah-Rah-Swah-Tee-Yei Swah- Ha)

Remember the 12 aspirations.  The intention of this mantra is to guard and protect and fulfill needs. It is my suggestion that you purchase a green candle and recite psalm 117 if you find the mantras too difficult.  Make sure you take the time to write down 10 aspirations and recite them every day and word them to say I can have…

Please note that these are general tendencies of the Lunar Eclipse and not to be taken as a direct negative or positives. Always remember for the most accurate forecast of how the lunar eclipse will affect you or even to get a glimpse of 2010. I would suggest you consult with Lee Stillwaters who can assist you in better understanding your own specific timing and potential changes in 2010. Simply click on his picture and it will take you right to his site.


Lee Stillwaters~ Stillwatersastro.com

On January 15, 2010, starting at 8am EST I will be doing 6 months in-depth self reading in preparation which help you transit through the next 6 months of the Solar Eclipse energy. Many of you have already have had such a reading and some of you it may be new. These readings are quite intense therefore, I recommend that you do nothing with a relationship and let it be status quo if you can help it.

Go into a hermit mode and breathe. Get ready for the lunar and solar eclipse by practicing meditation or learn go to yoga classes or find some buy a tape of manifestation visualization what ever it takes for you to go into your own spiritual world and RELAX. Lastly, remember to breathe this week and next and make sure you take a spiritual bath prior to setting up a time to talk to me if you do not have the recipe you may email me because I can not post it here it is on request basis only.

Please take good care of your self this week and most of next week and I look forward to talking to On January 15, 2010 on Blog Talk Radio. 

 

Namaste

Maharani

Obsession

Obsession We Are Creatures of Habit

Obsession is a very powerful; it emphasizes how we behave towards people, places and things.  This type action or reaction can destroy not only our selves, our partners, families but also society.

Many psychologist, theorist and researchers have interrelated obsession to indulgence.  Webster Dictionary defines obsession as “a persistent disturbing preoccupation with an often unreasonable idea or feeling; broadly: compelling motivation”(on the web). Therefore, agreeing that obsession is a feeling and we know that feelings are never consistent but always flux depending upon the relationship as well as the environment.

Obsession can also be core root of OCD, hoarding, depression, stocking, murder and even suicide. Sometimes the obsession become so intense that a person would go into manic episodes such as killing sprees and often time they become obsessed with control.  Often time obsession occurs because of some sort of an oppression we feel within our selves which enables us to see things as they are and quite often when third parties gets involved they see things unlike those that are obsessed.

Since obsession is control geared, it has oppressive energies we often constrain our selves without knowing it.  According to Iris Young’s article Five Faces of Oppression, “While these constrains include distributive patterns, they also involve matters which cannot be easily assimilated to logic of distribution or decision-making procedures” (2004, pg 43).  In easier terms Young is stating that oppression is a trigger which allows for obsession to constraints us. It also causes us to have only one way of thinking and logic is used only to justify our actions of obsessive behavior.

In social prospective obsession lead to many incidents which originated between two parties which created a spiral of events that affect many societies and social groups.  For example, some of you may not agree with my example but please understand I am only going by what I have read. The chain of evidence that has been passed through the criminal justice system may have been contradictory; some of it may have been facts some may have been altered but only OJ and Nicole knew the truth.

The O.J. Simpson Trial, made headlines in world wide news. Some called it a hate murder, some called it stocker and others called it a crime of passion.  The crime of passion it was triggered by obsession. Many believe that O.J was so obsessed with his wife so much so that that he did not want anyone around his wife, ie friends, family, associates etc. with this wife. His record shows history of domestic violence with this wife over jealousy and control, and the more she resisted the more volatile the relationship.

The transcripts of his criminal records showed incidents of numerous threatening calls while they were divorced regarding her friendship with other men. The more she tried to resist him –the more intense his obsessive and controlling behavior became where he spiraled out of control.  There were records of him sharing intimate conversations with his friends about Nicole’s past life and other issues which were very personal to her. He would make public how many he was dating just to prove to her that she was not that special

The power that was so crucial to OJ was to be a provider; to be the only man in her life played a crucial role to his ego.  The more she resisted his controlling behavior the more enraged he became because she now had control of her life and she was moving on.  What OJ did not realize is the damage that he had already done to the relationship through speaking about her in public, spreading rumors which she once thought were intimate in nature. What ever she did or did not do now became an obsession to his passion.  The obsession now became the poison slowly killed him and if he was dying inside – then he wanted to blame or take care of the problem so that he would not feel sick any longer.

During the course of poison he drove by her home, he drove by the gym she worked out at; he drove by her parent’s house when she was not home.  He followed her on dates and embarrassed her so that no one would see her. He would go to every night club, clothing store, grocery store and every where she went to the point that she had to place a restraining order out on him because every where she went he made a scene.

Though, Nicole Simpson never stopped loving O.J but she lost respect, which was to her more detrimental then love it self. The more obsessed he became the more fearful she was the more reports were filed against him. And when O.J could not follow her anymore, call her any more he found another out let for his suppression which was alcohol, drugs and women.  Each and every one of them he could control or get lost in for a moment in time.

This example was given to show how control and obsession are intertwined.  Because of this obsession it affected the entire society of L.A where the white community felt that justice was not done because of celebrity status and because of everything that happened with the Rodney King’s Trial and it was the way the justice system was trying to balance out the racial disparities. Not only that the children were divided but families were divided additionally societies were divided.

Similar things happen in love relationship when we are so intertwined with the other person that it directly affects our own environment or that we let the other person control our lives.  Hence what ever they do directly affects the way we live our lives then we are opening doors to obsession.  By the time obsession has streamed its way through the veins of our relationship we have already pushed away all the friends you have all the families and now you are totally intertwined in the other persons life so that we are living the other persons life and no longer ours.

Like a drug, some psychologist calls obsession as toxic and intoxicating painful as alter states in a relationship.  According to Jody Hayes in her book Smart Love, “obsessive relationship to a high produced by drug” At first it may seem odd to consider the parallels between characteristic of more obvious forms of addiction such as alcoholism or cocaine addiction, add less obvious addictive characteristics can appear in personal relationships. It seems that some of us that were or are in an obsessive relationship it seems very exciting a state of satisfaction mixed with the lows which are not really in a healthy relationship.  There are the high highs’ and there are no Low lows”.  In an obsessive relationship we get hooked and this excitement brings the wrong impression of love.  In these kinds of relationship we are so filled with insecurities and what the other person would do next is when we confuse love with obsession.

Often time’s obsessive relationships become passion very quickly and it becomes a primary focus of our lives. Because the physical intimacy is the primary and emotional intimacy is secondary and becomes premature like ourselves almost like a child in a candy isle. Many intelligent men and women get so intertwined in obsessive relationship that are not good for them that some people break loose very quickly when they see destructive behaviors which portray it self through control and domination and others caught stuck and get paralyzed so that they can not see the obvious. This kind of behavior continues from one relationship to the other and the relationship eventually fall apart.  Some people are not in denial of their continual toxic cycle but they continue to go down this path because they do not know any other kind of behavior.

Even talking about obsessive behavior becomes an obsession so much according to Young, “they may feel they have used up their friends and can no longer turn to them”(2004, pg 93)  Either way people feel isolated which only adds more paralyses and despair and oftentimes they go to psychics to psychics, friends to friends and psychologist to psychologist because they don’t like hearing what they hear.  After a fortune is spent on false faith and chasing rainbows they come to realize they are now broke, going through depression and have no one left.

Surely, talking about an ex or someone that is in your life during the first month or two is normal because we may miss them or thinking about them but obsessing over them whereas the entire topic of conversation becomes about your ex or the current is not only abnormal but compulsive behavior.  And frankly no one wants to hear a recording. Now instead of a person being in obsessive relationships where they are the oppressor now they become the oppressed. J. Harvey, states in Civilized Oppression,” The oppressed are treated with disrespect, moral rights are denied or blocked, their lives are deprived of proper fulfillment and they experience serious of frustrations and humiliation beyond all normal bound”(1999, pg37).  These feelings not only come from our friends, family it can even extend out to our co-workers, bosses and even society, especially whom  ever you talked to because other people have lives too.  Obsessive compulsive behaviors can lead to your friends having disrespect for you and they laugh behind your back because you are obsessed and they may even humiliate you in public to show you that you have blinders on.

The obsessive relationships can cause some people to go into financial deprivation so bad that they may become homeless or jobless because they have spent all their money smoozing the relationship when it began by buying the person.  And the rest of the money is used up by suppressing their desires by wasting it on drugs, alcohol, other women and even psychics.  After sometime the friends don’t want to listen to what a the oppressed have to say so the don’t go out, the oppressed are too embarrassed to face anyone including strangers in fear that they would be spoken of badly.  Though the oppressed know it is wrong to behave such in a way that it sounds like a wiener or someone that is obsessed,   they continue the compulsive behavior and end up in a massive depression or even committing suicide and by that time no one really cares because they gave up on them. The last memories that your friends would have of you is a person with obsessive, compulsive and obsessive disorder.

How can you see obsessive compulsive behavior? I had already mentioned that obsession is a form of oppression and it is a drug, therefore it must be treated like a addiction and one must go through the twelve steps with complete due diligence.

Since the twelve steps are so very intense and complicate change for those that are used to a certain behavior, it is my goal to discuss what is obsessive behaviors in a relationship almost like warning flags then step by step, I will discuss resolutions that will help you not to be in a obsessive behavior patterns or help you through breaking away the chaos in your life

What is obsessive behavior in a love relationship (the beginning 1to 6 mo or new)

  1. Buying your partner expecting appreciation and more affection in return.
  2. Wanting to spend every moment with them and getting mad when they have other plans
  3. Getting jealous when they talk about the opposite sex or someone they find attractive.
  4. Getting upset when they do not return your calls right away
  5. Getting upset when they do not invite you to a certain event or gathering.
  6. Getting upset when they do not want to introduce you to their friends or family.
  7. Getting upset when they have priorities in their lives and you are not one of them.
  8. Getting upset when they don’t want you to come over or want to come over.
  9. Getting upset when they are not always being feeling oriented (touchy feely)
  10. Getting upset when they do not want to be intimate as much as you.

The obsessive behavior patterns in a long term relationships are often the same as the one in a brand new relationship however, the matters of commitments may be the core issues and insecurities. Because by this time the oppressor has already failed at least 3 or 4 things that send a trigger but they choose to ignore it, and the receiver may choose to ignore it too because they accepting the situation hoping that it will change or it has already ended. Here are some of the issues of a long term relationship obsessive behaviors

  1. Wanting to know what your partner is doing every moment.
  2. Wanting to help resolve partner emotional, financial and spiritual issues.
  3. Getting too involved with family and discussing your partners’ faults and looking for help.
  4. Revealing your partner’s secrets to other people.
  5. Wanting the partner to revolve their lives around yours.
  6. Following them calling them and stocking them when they are being aloof and when nothing is found then making up a scenario to find out their reaction.
  7. Trying too hard to fit into the friends and family circle of your partner.
  8. Pushing for marriage when the other person is not ready spiritually, financially or emotionally.
  9. Find the passwords of their email account or checking their messages if it be, text or otherwise.
  10. Going through their personal belongings.

I will discuss in the later chapters how to change these tendency step by step and I hope when the process is done that you go through your check list and are able to see these patterns and bring healthier patterns to attract love and keep love.

This topic was discussed to its depth on my January 08, 2010 show on blog talk radio, if you wish to listen the link is below.

Listen to Maharani Rutan on Blog Talk Radio

Dec 2009 winners

Winners of Special Gifts

December, 2009 winners

I want to personally congratulate the following friends, for their free gifts This is such a simple contest that you need to show up at the show and follow the above steps. And many of you did just that; and some participated

Here are the confirmed winners for 2009 and the value of their gift, (I am only going to put first names for privacy reasons)

2009 Blog Talk Give aways

April

  • 15 minute reading $35.00 (Already claimed 1/6/10)
  • Destiny reading on the self $39.99 (120 days)(Already Claimed on 1/6/10)

Bryn

  • Destiny reading on the self $39.99 (120 days)(Already Claimed 1/5/10)

Carol

  • 6 months In-depth reading on your self retail price: $90.00(Already Claimed 1/5/10)
  • 15 minutes towards any readings in the future $30.00(Offered expired)
  • Destiny reading on the self $39.99 (120 days) ( Already Claimed on 1/3/10)

Cheryl J

  • Destiny reading on the self $19.99 (60 day) (Already claimed 1/2/10)
  • Destiny reading on the self $39.99 (120 days)(Already claimed 1/2/10)

Cheryl K

  • 6 months In-depth reading on your self: Retail price $90.00 ( Already Claimed 1/3/10)
  • 15 minutes towards any readings in the future $30.00 (Already claimed 1/7/09)
  • Destiny reading on the self $39.99 (120 days)(Already Claimed 1/03/10)

Desiree

  • Destiny reading on the self $19.99 (60 day)(OFFER EXPIRED)

Gary

  • 6 months In-depth reading on your self: Retail price $90.00 (Offered Expired)
  • 15 minutes towards any readings in the future $30.00 (Offer expired)
  • Destiny reading on the self $39.99 (120 days) (Offer Expired)

Georgette

  • Destiny reading on the self $19.99 (60 day) Already claimed

Heather

  • Destiny reading on the self $19.99 (60 day) Already claimed
  • Destiny reading on the self $39.99 (120 days)(Already Claimed 1/3/2010)

Natasha

  • Destiny reading on the self $19.99 (60 day)(Already Expired)

Robert

  • 6 month In-depth reading on your self : Retail price $90.00 (Already Claimed 1/4/10)
  • 15 minutes towards any readings in the future $30.00 (Offer expired)
  • Destiny reading on the self $39.99 (120 days)(already claimed 1/03/10)

For those who have a gift of a 6-months in-depth reading please contact me before 7th of January and those that have Destiny reading please send me your birthday in a mm/dd/yy format.

If I have missed your name and you were present at the show please take the time to fill out the Contact me form and I will check the log

Every show that was broacasted through blog talk radio was archived with the topic of the week and the topic of December was expectations, chapter 6 of expectations was not broadcasted through blog talk becasue they are just applications.

Link to the show is below Listen to Maharani Rutan on Blog Talk Radio

The show begins at 9pm EST until 11pm EST every Friday night and you do not have to stay for the entire show you may come say hello and stay a little bit if you wish to or join our chat.

Here is the new number to Call-in Number: (914) 338-0876

Happy New Year

Namaste
Maharani

~~

Winners of Special Give Aways

December 23, 2009 & December 25, 2009

I want to personally congratulate the following friends, for passing phase two of the FREE gift and give away. This is such a simple contest that you needed to do is show up at my show on Eastern Serendipity on December 23, 2009. Only thing that is required is either participate or join the chat room me a private message. Some of you or even call in to (914) 338-0876 and asked your free questions and we were able to discuss the topic of the day

Here are the confirmed listeners for the December 18 show and they returned for more abuse (kidding) on the 23rd therefore, they are receiving two gifts from me. (I am only going to put first names for privacy reasons)

  • Cheryl
  • Gary
  • Robert
  • April
  • Carol

The new winners this week are as follows

  • Georgette (already claimed her gift)!
  • Natasha
  • Lee
  • Disseree (I think I mis-spelled your name)
  • Heather (Already Claimed her gift)
  • Cheryl J

If I have missed your name and you were present at the show please take the time to fill out the Contact me form. I will check the log and get back to you.
For those Blog Talk Listeners or those that are new you can find me on
Maharani Rutan’s Eastern Serendipity. add me to your favorite on Blog Talk and Blog Talk will send you emails when the show is going to be schdule to be broadcasted.

Namaste
Maharani

Winners of Special Gifts

December 30, 2009

I want to personally congratulate the following friends, for passing phase two of the FREE gift and give away. This is such a simple contest that you needed to do is show up at my show on Eastern Serendipity on December 30, 2009. All these winners received preference in having their readings done prior to new callers by simply joining my mailing list


Only thing that was required is either participate or join the chat room me a private message. Some of you or even call in to (914) 338-0876 and asked your free questions with our special guest
Lee and discussed their outlook for 2010.

Here are the confirmed listeners for the December 30, 2009 show and they returned for more abuse (kidding) receiving three gifts from me. (I am only going to put first names for privacy reasons)

  • Cheryl
  • Gary
  • Robert
  • April
  • Carol
  • Cheryl J
  • Bryn
  • Heather

The were new winners this week due to the fact newsletter clients were given preference.

If I have missed your name and you were present at the show please take the time to fill out the Contact me form. I will check the log and get back to you.

For those Blog Talk Listeners or those that are new you can find me on
Maharani Rutan’s Eastern Serendipity. add me to your favorite on Blog Talk and Blog Talk will send you emails when the show is going to be schedule to be broadcasted.

Namaste
Maharani