I am not a expert in love and I can only share with you the experiences and teachings of the Gita and those people who have taught me to love or often even direct me to love however, there is a difference between toxic love and a obsession of wanting someone. I have read many books on love and everyone has their own say so on what is a healthy relationship but it must be taken into consideration healthy is a self reflection.
The most important parts of healthy relationships are what I will touch upon and expand from now until the end of the year. Following are the idioms which cause most relationships to become dysfunctional and toxic and these are the very same ones that we often use and we do not even realize that we are doing it.
- Reinforcing Codependency- you may say things such as, “he/she is not the person I want but they will change”, “if he/she would only stop doing… (including affairs) we would be happy and lastly “I would really be a wonderful person if I was in a relationship” all these are signs of co-dependency. I reinforce this through my teachings and learning’s and experiences which I even catch my self from doing and retract before the signs appear.
- Bury the past- If you have broken up with a lover often times we hold on to their things or their belongings and wait until upon their return but when it happens we bring up issues of the past which create a fire in a volcano ready to explode. Either you must be ready to bury the past upon a lover return or prepare for a ceremony. Yes, ceremony either you send everything back to your ex or I mean everything not leaving any signs of him/her or burn it if they do not want it. By releasing it you are releasing negativity into the universe and saying to your self you are not going to tolerate this person in your life again. But remember when you do this there are ramification which I will speak more about in time.
- Love your self- One way you can share your love with someone is to love your self. There are 5 words that must be taken away from your love language which is “always”, “never”, “could have” and “would have” these are direct words that are never consistent and often point to ones self. By loving your self you are not placing another on a pedestal yet allowing faith to be positioned in your life. One of the most important aspect of loving your self is ask for help but don’t expect your problems to be resolved, and always remember your lover is NOT your venting machine and you must remember that there are issues you can solve your self which will lift the burdens and pressures off your partner to resolve them for you and giving you both time to enjoy each other instead of having drama.
- Release your patterns of the past- It is apparent that the things you had done in past relationships are NOT working therefore, this is why you are where you are and that means change the pattern. If you are always the one to apologize when there is a argument between you and your significant, then perhaps practice affirmative statements such as “When you do this… I feel this.. because of this (do NOT bring past relationship or anything) this should be how something affects you.
- Define your boundaries- This is a biggy! Often time people come to me and state that the other person is being really controlling etc. Well this is because boundaries are not clearly discussed before a relationship begins of course as time passes within the relationship boundaries will be restructured and we will have more than one boundary, however before you set the boundaries you must set your self in check. DO NOT ignore your feelings, DO NOT justify your actions because you feel the way you do and most of all IT IS not ok for someone to hurt you.
Please remember I am NOT a psychologist but just a person who is brought up on a spiritual inclination of peace and love and unconditional love comes from self autonomy and if we loose that than we obsess over things and actions which drain us spiritually, emotionally and lead to physical decline.