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What is love? Who defines it? The word love is so abused and so used that I sometimes wonder if anyone really knows what love is. So I set out a crusade to find out love but I really did not want to define love as a universal concept I wanted to know what love really is. I knew it is a feeling. I knew that the only kind of love that has been long lasting that I can point out is with my family and my God. But I wanted to dive a little deeper to find the true answers of love.
So I asked around I talked Astrologers, I spoke to psychics, Clairvoyants, family, friends and even counselors but no one could really give me a clear answer until I spoke to my Guru and he said the answers are in the Gita look and you shall find.
My journey was triggered by my clients for years clients kept asking me question “Does he love me?” I always hesitate to answer and sometimes I become very rhetorical when answering such a complex question.
Being born in India we do not take love very lightly, however, I have noticed that in the United States, I have heard guys say to their buddies, “I love you man” or women say to their girlfriends “ I love you” and the next time they have a argument, its “I hate you!”
In the Hindu culture love is never universal except for the love of God. Each one of us loves differently and it instilled in us through our own grassroots i.e. parents, caregivers, teachers, grandparents and distant relatives as well.
According to the scriptures of the Gita there they define many kinds of love.
Unconditional love- Love of God and a love of a child to his mother(this is also when we feel our parents do not love us we still love them – as we should) it is not only written in the Gita but in the Christian Bible (“love thy parent)
This kind of love is the purest love of them all and all humans should love this way. This kind of love has no expectations, only forgiveness and respect.
Loving someone one- This is a love of sibling, or distant relative. Though they often do things to hurt you and sometimes disappear out of our lives only to return because you have the blood line (Krishna & Aruna) and the western ideology it states “blood is thicker than water”. Though this kind of love has conditions and expectations, this love is based upon the moral ethics within the grassroots of family. Family expectations, morality and respect.
Being in Love- This would be a love of two romantic partners of opposite sex or the same sex depending upon the orientation. This is what we call in the Gita a honeymoon stage. It’s all nice and wonderful. Until we start to see if this person is really an image of us and it can either die away or remain constant which is levitate to #2 description of love.
Love with lust- In the Gita lust is a negative conjugation it become an evil sense of conditions, expectation, co dependency, and obsession. Many of us mistake this for love. Our emotions often run high in this kind of love so much so that we place the other person in front of our own needs and therefore interference of the Universal God condones idealism. When the other person becomes so enriched in our lives that we stop our lives for them. (Like the movie fatal attraction). This often leads to insecurities and we invade our partner’s privacy, follow them, tap their phone and often times we are not honest in our feelings.
Lastly, there is puppy love- This often an infatuation built within a short period of time. This kind of love would be found in young children’s image of love. But in adults we often believe that one night stand now becomes our obsessions and we do not look at things realistically. Meeting a person only one time and think that something will be started etc.
I had a women call me once and she had a one night stand while she was traveling between Chicago and New York and with a heavy storm many passengers were given vouchers to hotel accommodations. With the storm almost every hotel room was booked but there was one room left. After a great deal of thought she asked one of male passengers if would like to share the room for the night. Of course one thing leads to another and they ended up sleeping together. Not knowing his name or where he lived or even his telephone number she kept asking if he will ever contact her again. Reminding you both of them did not know each others name.
She became so obsessed that she later told me she spend thousand of dollars with many people and 3 years of her precious time obsessing over only to discovered what I said was correct. You may never find him because Airlines can not give you information. And she has never found him to this day. But the important lesson in this was that it was purely lust. Love does not develop in bed or in one date it develops over time.
But this questioning has not only been in my clients minds but my children too. I remember when my oldest son’s girlfriend left him because he never said to her that he loved her, and he told her honestly, “how can I know what love is, if the only love I ever knew is of my mothers and never felt anything that was so sublime as the one that I feel from her.” With tears in his eyes he said to me, “mom. Is it wrong to tell the truth.” I hugged him so tight and I said, “no son you will know, you will feel and you will embrace love when God is willing to show you but be open and you will see”
Love is never universal because we all define it differently. To me what real love would be different than what you may consider love. Though in love we all have expectation, however, love is not an obsession, love does not demean your character, love does not betray, love is never to be rushed. Love happens to all of us and it has to all of us.
So when you ask a speaker, “does he love me?” perhaps you might want to restructure the question by asking, “is he capable of loving me as I need to be loved” always remember there is no black and white in this question. That means there is NO real YES or NO, it is more complex so if you get a YES, you can estimate that it was a guess however, if the question is asked to a good reader they should describe either how he/she sees you as or what he/she can give to you.
May this help you through your many days of discovery so that you can define love in your own way and love the way you want to be loved
Though some of these concepts are being repeated from my show with Destiny Tarot on Psychic Bitch it has been revised as I bring more prospective to an ongoing expansion of definition of love. Below is both the archived version of the show by date so it is easily accessible.
February 26, 2010
On February 28, 2010 we will be transiting to a Full Moon in Virgo. This transit will occur at 11:38am Eastern Standard Time and 8:38am Pacific Time.
As we transits through Virgo, we must take into consideration we are still under Mars retrograde and this is causes us to feel as though things are not moving as fast as we want as well as depletions of energy.
The Full Moon brings a time of brilliance and blossoming. It is a period of personal fulfillment, but also a time to search for the deeper meaning in what you’ve created. How can you integrate your vision into the world for the greater good of all? The Full Moon urges you to recognize and honor the significance of the “other” – other people, other ideas, and other values. Relationships are of great importance at this time, and you feel a need to share, to merge, to partner, whether romantically or through other channels. You are called upon now to work toward achieving balance – balance of your inner nature and outer personality, balance of your need to take with your ability to give; balance of your ultimate ideals with what is possible in the world.
The influence of this FULL MOON can be especially difficult or challenging for those who were born under a FULL MOON PHASE, as well as for those of the mutable signs Also, for those whose birth Moon is in Pisces, this Full Moon can sometimes represent a critical time for potential accidents, injuries, carelessness and the undertaking of rash decisions or judgments. During this spectacular time of the luminous and marvelous full moon attaining goals is our first priority. Divest yourself of all external roles, worries, and trivial pursuits, and dive into the ocean of light permeating all existence. Like a grain of sand that dissolves in the vast sea, release your individual ego into the infinite embrace of divine consciousness. Breathe in light; breathe out light. Feel the cells of your body become luminous and translucent with the all-pervading glow of God. Allow the heavy burdens of the past months to drop away.
The Moon in Virgo brings a time of practicality, analysis, and efficiency. People may feel more industrious and detail-oriented. As a result, this is a good time to accomplish projects, particularly smaller scale projects that require organization and attention to detail. Due to Virgo’s association with health, food and fitness may be concerns during this time. Also, people may be shy as they are absorbed in contemplation and intellectual pursuits. Because critical thinking is emphasized, caution needs to be taken to avoid being too critical or judgmental.
Virgo is ruled by Mercury, as is Gemini. While the Moon is in Virgo, it also a good time for intellectual pursuits, but not it is better for those requiring critical details rather than innovative creativity. This is a good time for taking care of any matter that requires painstaking attention. People may become shy and retrieving with Moon passing through Virgo and will tend to be discriminating, fastidious and even overly circle at times.
These influences lead to a concern about food and health, for Virgo rules the intestines and power of assimilation. Many people may feel the urge to clean up their homes at this time that is a good way to channel Virgo energy. Since this moon is in the era of Earth. You may also choose to recite a mantra every morning until the next moon cycle.
Remember that with all applications of psalms and mantras achieving the desired result is depended upon the quality of intention, and when it comes to finding satisfying relationships, it is of the greatest importance to begin with a clear understanding of what your goal should be. The mantras can be hard to pronounce for many but it is a powerful source of energy the mantra for Virgo moon is:
“Om Eim Saraswatiyei Swaha”
(Om I’M Sah-Rah-Swah-Tee-Yei Swah- Ha)
This mantra invokes energy for making any projects fruitful and successful.
The intention of this mantra is the to keep up in balance from loosing our temper through darkness and unfocused energy.
One of the saddest times in our lives can be during the holidays. Especially during Valentines Day when we see some of our friends go out with their boyfriends and husbands. It hurts even more when we see gifts delivered to our jobs but it is not for us. And sometimes we are wishing someone that cared enough to do the same. But often forget that the love that people show in a material world may not be as exclusive as the love we should show to our selves and our loved ones on a daily basis.
Contrary to what they say on the radio and television, we do not need someone to tell us we are loved. To be able to love your self enough means to treat your self too. Give your self a card; treat your self to a special Valentines Day most of all write to your self. I bet you might think this is funny but have you ever written to your self? The answer to that might be a little chuckling but its ok.
Remember the times when notes were passed in class by someone you liked? How about passing your self a note, parent the child within you. Ask your self some kind words, tell your self about what you accomplished today, why not pamper your self today and make an appointment with the hair dresser, how about joining a gym and exercise. They say when you exercise your body you exercise your soul. How long as it been since you were in a bubble bath? How long has it been since you went shopping for your self? The activities that you find pleasure in will help boost your own enthusiasm so that you can reflect this to all the people around you.
When you find pleasure in the little things in life you will finally have the ability to honestly ask for help when you need it without expectations. When the healthy boundaries are placed in your life and you have less expectations you will not have disappointments. Sometimes we all need help in something’s in our lives being helpless does not mean you are weak but acting helpless is another thing. The turning point in your life comes when you have faith that everything we need will be taken care of and everything we want will be a miracle through faith.
Faith is not the same thing as expecting others to lend a hand, faith means that you believe in your self and believe that when you take care of yourself you take care of others. I know many of you may say to me how you can say that when you are working 13 hour days, how I can say that is because I keep going. I know that there will come a time for “me” time soon and universe will show me the “me” time when the time is right. So that people who relay on me right now will now allow me to show my capabilities rather then just my abilities to get the job done and this is done through releasing the inner child. When we release the inner child within us we release the energy of negativity and out of no where comes this burst of energy of creating healthy boundaries between your self and your partner or the people you love.
Loving your self often is not easy when we are too busy taking care of others. But sometimes when we release the inner child and set healthy boundaries between our selves and our relationship life this is when all comes together. Many co-dependent people do not understand that we continue to play the role of the fixer, the parent, the rescuer that we forget we are getting ill in the process. Often times when we are also being a role which we are not we disable our selves to feel emotions. We erupt like a volcano it basically killing our soul as well as killing people around us emotionally.
The only way to figure out which role to play in our lives is to do healthy inventory by asking your self:
Am I always rescuing people?
Am I always a scapegoat to people’s aggression?
Do I always play a mascot to people and never having others play one too?
Am I always a victim by always complaining of what I do not have rather than what I do?
Am I always trying to win and argument or feel as though I must be always right?
Am I always trying to look too beautiful rather than being my self?
Am I always trying to be so smart that I have no time to think?
Am I always nurturing others and there is no one to nurture me?
Am I always helping someone one that I don’t take time to help me?
Do I always look for people to take care of and am too busy not able to take care of me?
This is where the healthy boundaries are. Learning to say no without being vindictive and understanding just like your self others need space, time and nurture too.
Starting today ask yourself what did you do today that you said you would do and really get it done. And how did you spoil your self today for example today I had a pizza and a coke while I am always dieting that was my gift to my self. Tomorrow while shopping for my doggy I will stop a Barnes & Nobel and get a relaxing book. The next day it will be Valentines Day and while I go search for the perfect card for my children. I will also buy something for my self that will make me feel good be it a little ornament for my door or even nice linen what ever it may be there will be a little for them and little for me. And every day I promise to ask the universe to forgive those who have hurt me. Because just like me they do not know what they do therefore, I am not perfect either. But tomorrow is a better day than today and Valentines Day will be even more special because I love me just as much as I love you. But if you don’t love me back as much as I love you that is okey because I love me just enough and everything else will fall into place.
And on Valentines Day the most beautiful joyous moment will be that I have another day with my son and another day in life with all of you. Because its not just about I love you’s but it is all about I understand you and am here for you if you ever need me. Though I am not always there but you are always there in my sprit and my thoughts even when my world becomes busy and even when I wrote this.. this is my heart and this is my soul but most of all this is my spirituality and this is my gift to you on Valentines Day and the only thing I ask in return is please love your self so that you can love others like the universe loves you … unconditionally.
This blog was aired live on Blog Talk radio on February 12, 2010, though it was a short segment thank you all for coming.
To build a long sustaining relationship we must have a relationship not only with the ones that we love but ourselves. We spend so much time taking care of others that we forget that we have needs that have not been met. Though we often have a tendency to push aside our needs that it becomes a volcano ready to erupt which only leads to conflicts in a relationship which could have been avoided from the beginning if only we had set boundaries.
Relationships are created because the person we are interested in fills the void which we were not able to fulfill ourselves. Our fulfillment is not always on a consistent level which we have programmed ourselves to do so when the other person is not consistent with their actions we feel that they do not care or perhaps if we do more then the other party will put more effort. However, we fail to realize that this is obsession.
In the previous chapters I have discussed that to control habits of obsession we must first get fired. This means that it is not our job to fulfill the other persons every need or get so involved in the other person that it directly affects our lives this will only lead to dissatisfaction. The second chapter emphasized on trying not to fix the other person so that they mold into our world, what we do not realize is that if we do not accept the person as they are kinks and all then we are not accepting ourselves within that relationship.
Human beings are very fixated on gratification that we all have needs that are often geared from within our selves and always looking attention. The disappointment becomes a habit so we are always in search of someone better or someone that is more perfect. But, there is no perfect person and you are NOT perfect either. There is only one perfect thing which is the universal energy. But even universal energy can’t help you when you are imposing another human being in place of it. So what is the solution?
This solution is simple yet very unique. The best way to love others is love your self and respect your self to its fullest. This means to find your own energy and the way to do it is:
LOVE YOUR SELF.
Through out our childhood we were often reminded how much we were loved or appreciated or we had no choice but to love our selves unconditionally. I am sure you remember the times when you had to make your own dinner, put your self to sleep, do your own homework, make your own friends, and basically take care of your self. We basically nurtured and took care of ourselves. It is not selfish to still do that but at a deeper level. When we give so much of our selves to others we exhaust ourselves emotionally. The emotional deprivation can lead to failing health, depression and even creating chaos in our own relationships.
According to Judy Hayes book Smart Love,”It is not selfish to nurture our bodies and spirits in fact only after we have nurtured ourselves can we be genuinely and freely loving towards others.”(2001, pg.49). But we are so used to having others nurture us that we forgot how to nurture ourselves so we look for others to accreditation by giving and hoping for things in return.
There is a old saying in the spiritual world to find your inner child, however this comes from child hood also meaning if your childhood was full of restrictions therefore, your inner child will to will be restricted. When you are nurturing your inner child then only can sincerely be nurturing towards others. We absolutely can not expect others to always place us on a pedestal and gloat us all of the time when and if we do then we will be disappointed and even when you do this can only mean that the other person is so desperate for a relationship that when they find someone better than you where they have not do it all of the time this is where they will go.
To be able to contact your inner child means to contact the universe by taking care of your self. Began with small steps without expectations such as:
Be with nature
Take a 10 minute walk by your self and connect with nature. Try to increase this every week.
Go to the zoo or the park or go hiking, running or just watch even children play
Walk on the beach or a lake-make sure you sit down and exhale for at least 10 minutes
Be kind to your mind
Take a 10 minute time out by closing your eyes and thinking about good things.
Read a funny book for 10 to 15 minutes a day (laughter is a great medicine)
Watch a funny show or at least try once a week.
Be kind to your soul
Meditate
Listen to soft music (instrumental please)
Get on your knees and pray for peace ONLY.
Be kind to your body
Stretch every morning or take Yoga Classes
Go to the gym or exercise 20 minutes a day
Cut back on sweets, salt and anything that is not healthy for you
Be kind to your heart
Call up a family member whom you have not spoken to in a while and just say I love you.
Call up a friend (not an ex or boyfriend) whom you have not spoken to in a while and just say hello.
Call up a colleague or someone you connected on an intellectual level and ask them how they are doing.
When you take the small steps and do it without asking for one thing in return then you are ready to connect on a more complex level of connecting with your inner child. This means your thought pattern must change. This means also that you must look at each situation in a different way.
For example: If you broke up with someone and you pine over them. Our natural instinct forces us to think in a negative way so that we can justify the break up in our own mind.
Present thought process: I gave everything to __________. He/She never gave back to me. I really tried but I still do not understand why ____________ does not want me anymore.
New thought process: I did everything I could and I learned a lot. If I only known what I know now I would be a better person in that relationship. However, this is the Universe’s way of saying I still have a lot to learn and until I can truly apply what I know I can not practice with feelings by going back right away or obsessing over ___________ right now.
For example: If you are in a relationship with someone and they are not being attentive this is also a good example of a friend and relative. They do not either return your calls when you want them to or they do not call you back right away or they are not supportive of you and you feel like you are talking to a wall. These things may process in your mind such as:
Present thought process: When I call someone I expect them to call me back. I am always there for _____________, and they are never there for me. Perhaps I am too needy and maybe I should back off and give that other person some space. But I am afraid the moment they call me I will let them have it because it’s not fair.
New thought process: Maybe ____________is busy or the phone is out of reception area and I am sure he/she will call me as soon as they can because I know they know I have called. I will call someone else in the mean time.
Last example: I had something horrible happen to me at work and just needed someone to talk to and I just can’t believe that ________________ cut me off. They did not hear anything I said and abruptly said that they had to go and they are always telling me it’s my fault. Perhaps it is and may be I should not be so critical and I deserve to be disrespected because what comes around goes around.
New thought process: Maybe _____________was not in a good mood and they had a lot on their mind. Perhaps I should have asked if they were busy and now I learned. I will instead go for a walk or do some meditation because this is my problem and I have to deal with it my self.
These are perfect examples of having too many expectations of others as well as looking for approval from others. Most of the time when we do get approval it is not long lasting because when you bring up when they agreed as was there for you, they may say such thing as that is what I felt then right now I feel this way. This can only make you feel disappointed. As I have always said if you come from a dysfunctional family where there was not approval, affection or appreciation then most likely you will try to gain this from others and often times the relationship you are in will also become dysfunctional, and abusive.
An ability to talk to your inner child must not be in a sarcastic or egotistical way it must be nurturing almost like you are talking to child. Because you’re inner child has been hidden for so long. Be honest with your self; apologize to your self, reward your self, ask for your forgiveness, ask your self not to be afraid or have insecurities because the universe brought you here to have faith in it not others. Human beings are just characters in your world they are teachers, friends and especially those that you are suppose to learn from not necessarily someone you can always count on because they have a life too and sometimes you are not a part of it, this does not mean they do not care, but it means they have boundaries and they are also nurturing their inner child. If they are not then they loose not you because you will be that person who knows who you are and like any rose you will feed it, nurture it, look at it, and most of all fertilize it every day because that rose is beautiful rose and wants to be the most beautiful thing that the universe has ever seen.
Having said that… know I love you and I mean that from the bottom of my heart because you are now reading this and my energy brought you here that means that I was able to capture on minute of your time which means that your minute was ever most precious and I love you for it and I thank you for it.
Sadly, life caught up to me Friday night and I was not able to air the segment of this topic therefore, I have taken the liberty to post this for those who want to start working on step #4. I apologize for those who came to my show and I was not able to make it and I promise I will make it up to you.
On February 13, 2010, at 9:51pm EST and 6:51pm PST, we will have a New Moon in Aquarius.
The New Moon signals a time of emergence. There is an impulse to take action and begin something new, be it a small change in the way you approach your daily routine or a whole new path on your journey through life. The energy is right for making spontaneous moves and following your instincts. This is the time to act from your heart and trust the process – take a risk, live in the moment, dance to your own drummer. The New Moon blesses new beginnings, and invites you to take a chance! What do you want to create in your life? What vision do you wish to manifest? The New Moon is an asking (invocative) time, and a time to formulate what our needs are according to the opportunities available (through Aquarius this month).
Moon in Aquarius You have an emotional aloofness – a knack for objectivity regarding your own and others’ feelings. You view emotional situations logically, scientifically. Your feelings may come up erratically. You prefer to channel your emotional energy into intellectual pursuits. You may also seek the company of friends for emotional fulfillment. You nurture others by appreciating their genius and accepting their eccentricities. You look to your mother for friendship and intellectual stimulation, and may feel that she is distant or aloof. Of course this applies primarily to those whose charts are not unduly afflicted in the sign of Aquarius and the other fixed signs
People with fixed signs may detach emotionally and being more objective so that there is no over reaction on situations. It is time for objectivity and truth so that information can come to you in a more subtle way. It is also a time you can find a deeper self expression through a higher mind and reason. Nurture your dreams and send the best ones back into your world.
New moon in Aquarius is about changes in our lives to make progress. Often times it makes us feel as though we are totally alone in the world. We will realize that positive changes will occur through creativity, compassion but it will also be very dreamy.
Since, moon in Aquarius represents Rebellious, Wild, Rational, and friendly, Unpredictable it is my suggestion for us to remain balanced. This new moon is extraordinary to many signs. It is my suggestion that you purchase an orange candle and carve your name one through the wick. Anoint the candle with lavender oil or sage oil and chant the psalm 51. You may also choose to recite a mantra every morning until the next moon cycle. Remember that with all applications of psalms and mantras achieving the desired result is depended upon the quality of intention, and when it comes to finding satisfying relationships, it is of the greatest importance to begin with a clear understanding of what your goal should be. The mantras can be hard to pronounce for many but it is a powerful source of energy the mantra for Aquarius moon is:
“Om sri Shanaishwaraya Namaha”
(Om shri shan-ish-waraya nahm ah ha)
This mantra produces the quality of friendship within oneself including others.
The intention of this mantra is smooth your path in life by helping you understand the lessons you have set for your self and through karma the negativity will surpass
With every moon cycle, remember to cross out the old affirmation even if there is a slightest change and create new ones. The perfect number for aspiration is 10. This means to list 10 aspirations and recite them every night until the next moon cycle. Remember never make the affirmations beginning with “I want”, it must be worded “I need to be shown how to retain”
Wishing you the very best of Valentines Day, remember before giving to others make sure that you give your self a present too because I am sure you love your self as much as others. Those that are receiving the gift should be encouraged to know that it is not about the gift it is the thought that counts.
The steps to release tension of obsessions can be very difficult thus causing us to fight the urge to change however, I hope to bring positivity in your life and bring healthy relationship changes for a spiritual awakenings.
It is very difficult to control something that has been out ones control for a while. Its can also be even more complex if it is the only way that perhaps you may have thought it worked in a relationship. Often obsession is an outlet for our own suppression to a certain dilemma your lives and this is the only outlet that you can use without destroying your self but we soon find out it not only destroying us but destroying the people around us as well.
The steps to resist obsession or rather control obsession can be very intricate. Especially, at time we may find our selves doing the very thing that we said to ourselves we would not do. Instead of punishing our selves we may want to try to say, “Wow I caught it” this means you are aware of it and not in defiance.
Now that you are not in denial and you began the step work because you either realized that the behavior patters are not working and that the relationships you carry are not sustainable or stable. You may have also discovered that you may have been not as happy as you wanted to be in that relationship and you fought for a change but you may have thought it was the other persons fault because either they did not understand you, left you, betrayed your etc.
Though that first two steps were the most difficult in breaking the patterns of obsessions which were..
To get fired
You cant fix it
And now…Step 3 : Have a funeral
Now we are going into more personal nature it can only be difficult if you allow it to be but does not have to be.
We are all very weak to memories, some good and some bad. We also notice when we go to our relative’s homes or visit friends and can’t seem to understand as to why they keep things from years back or start talking about things that happen years ago and often we mistake it as lectures. But what we seem to not understand is we do the same thing. But sometimes those things we hold on to are not always good. Especially when it comes to old relationships memories, especially material things such as letters, pictures, clothing, emails, things that our partner gave to us etc. Matter a fact it is such venom that even after the relationship is long over we look back at the memories of that other person and never give a 100% to our new partner because we are always in a comparison mode.
Often times we must let go of patterns of behavior that is really unhealthy for us. Sometimes we need to let go of people that are unhealthy as well. Sometimes all as failed and the only resort is some sort of a funeral service. Whether you are a Christian, Catholic, Jewish, Muslim, Hindu or any religion it does not matter. What matters is how honest are you to your self to want to do this? The only way to bring healthy things in our lives is to understand everything in life dies.
We are so fixated to attachment to something to someone that sometimes we hang on to relationships because we do not want to be alone or hang on to material things because perhaps we can have that time back. But we can not recover the past, we can not be afraid of being alone because we all have been alone when we were younger and we did just fine. The world that you may have lived in was a fantasy can not be realistic now. You have to be healthy to bring healthy relationships but to do this we have to inventory our selves. There are only 3 steps of this inventory. Ask you’re self:
What’s so good about holding on to things or feelings of the past?
What is the worst that could happen if I don’t hold on to it?
What am I so afraid of? Is it because I know I am not perfect or he is not perfect?
I always say that the value of relationship definition comes from our own expectations, and it has been researched and theorized that when we have high expectations we always fail, because we are not accepting of a situation, person or place the way it is rather we are living in a fantasy where we mold it into what we think it should be.
To be able to disconnect the cord of dysfunctional tendencies we must disconnect ourselves from the material world by symbolically doing things on a physical plane so that we affect it in our spiritual plane.
When you realize the person whom are with is not really on the spiritual or emotional plane as you are and you know deep in your heart that no matter what you try no matter how much you tell that person how you feel it seems like a dead end and the only thing you are holding on to is the “honeymoon state” then you know it is really not meant to be.
Or
When you realize that the other person has betrayed your trust or even that the other person is with someone else and going back and forth can not continue. The more you let go the more the person goes back and forth.
This is because you are attached to them on a physical world and they continue to destroy your spiritual world. The only you can detach is disconnect on a physical plane.
So lets have a funeral.. and here is how it is done.
Gather every letter, physical items, photographs even gifts place them in a box and write a letter to the universe where you must release the energy of that person because you have to. It is affecting you spiritually, emotionally, physically and financially. I personally have done this many times in my life not only with the ones I have been a relationship with but even friends because even friends have a way of darning you.
Go in nature or even near a place where people will not mind you burning things or even your backyard if you have one. Remember they are just material things cost should not matter because it was real at that time and today is no longer real. Do not gas it but use camphor and light the camphor inside the box or boxes. Depending upon the number of items in the box it may take time. But be sure you place aluminum foil at the bottom of the box so that it does not damage the ground. During which time ask the universe to let the healing begin with you and the other party and help you forgive the other person for their actions and help you understand why this had to be let go. I have often done Astrotravel or even meditated during the burning process.
After the items are done burning and even those that did not burn. Bury them under a tree or near things that grow. Make sure you place flowers on the ground.
Make a few confessions to the universe such as I bury this which was once a part of my life now it has out grown me. Or Help me meet the person who is worthy of me. Or bring me solutions where my energy should go rather then focusing on others to make me happy or trying hard to help others.
Through these methods we allow the universe to pull away the negative energy from you and bring light where it is needed. According to Judy Hayes in her book Smart Love, she says “When you are letting of old beliefs and habits and began to replace them with positive ones, this is sure a sign that you are on the right road to recovery”(2001, pg 46). However the recovery begins with you. The longer you hold on to the past the more difficult it is to move into the future.
This type of behavior is not negative, rather positive that you are setting boundaries in your own life, because until you learn to love your self-you can not possibly love others.
Ask your self this.. do I want to continue to chase rainbows or do I want relationships that are the healing work of the universe? If it is the latter then ask your self can you go to step 4?
As you know prior to blogging, the first place this topics are announced is on blog talk radio, below is the link to the show. The show is only one hour long due to the fact of my own every day life exhausted me and many people were down because of the Full moon in Leo. I know full moon’s always exhaust me…
On January 29/30 2010 a beautiful full moon wakens us. For some of us you may notice it as early as the January 27 or 28, 2010.
Full Moon In Leo
by
Maharani Rutan
On January 30 2010 1:18AM EST, and 10:18pm (Jan 29) PST we will have a Full moon in Leo. Please remember this is very important aspect to all Leo’s and fixed signs (Taurus, Leo, Scorpio and Aquarius). You may or may not notice the effect (depending on how powerful the Moon is in your Astrological chart), but there is no doubt that this energy creates an inner pull, fullness – and may help us to connect psychically with others.
Everything becomes clearer and more intense under the light of the Full Moon – emotions and egos can become quite inflated, and we may have more awareness and focus on relationships. You may also feel energized by the light of the Moon and have more luminous dreams. Bleeding and hemorrhaging are more likely during a Full Moon, so take care. This is the time to Harvest, Pray and be Thankful, and to work on fertility and prosperity. Love and Romance go wild under a Full Moon, especially around midnight. In a full moon you may become highly objective, clear minded and aware of your own needs and the needs of others.
UNDER THIS FULL MOON, ENERGIES ARE GEARED TO THE MENTAL REALM. Traditionally, the early Europeans knew this FULL MOON as the WORT MOON. Plants and herbs were harvested and dried as the richness of the first harvest was realized. In Native Lore, this Full Moon was known as the MOON OF RIPENING BERRIES. As ripe berries were gathered and used for paints, dyes and as a source of Vitamin C. Health and creativity are emphasized and there is a sense of well-being and drama to this lunation.
The Moon in Leo marks a time of ambition and magnetism. Ruled by the Sun, Leo creates an influence of warmth, enthusiasm, and enjoyment. People may feel creative, dignified, and generous. It is a good time to pursue romance, be social, and to help others. Like the Lion that symbolizes Leo, people may feel self-assured but also crave appreciation and recognition. Care needs to be taken to avoid overdramatic displays to grab the spotlight or leadership positions.
Moon in Leo you may have an emotional need to shine and be praised by others. You may express your feelings in a childlike manner – either playfully or dramatically. You have a natural affinity with children. You have a knack for organizing and leading. You nurture others by giving praise and encouraging them to be strong, bold and fearless. You view your mother as a regal, dramatic or prestigious person, and look for independence, warmth and strength in that relationship.
The Leo energy can sometimes cause us to be more intolerant, stubborn, proud, angry, pompous, egotistical, condescending. It’s harder (but not impossible) to make changes or be flexible, Since the Moon is the closest ‘Planet’ to Earth, and this satellite literally zips around the Zodiac, completing its circuit in less than a month. It also touches us more deeply than most Planets.
Since, moon in Leo is Playful, Bold, Dramatic, Managerial, and Organized AND MOODY. It is my suggestion that you purchase a Green candle and carve your name one through the wick. Anoint the candle with lemon oil or Lavender oil and chant the psalm 65. You may also choose to recite a mantra every morning until the next moon cycle. Remember that with all applications of psalms and mantras achieving the desired result is depended upon the quality of intention, and when it comes to finding satisfying relationships,it is of the greatest importance to begin with a clear understanding of what your goal should be. The mantras can be hard to pronounce for many but it is a powerful source of energy the mantra for Leo moon is:
Om Sri Suryaya Namaha
(Om Shree sur-ya-ya Nam-aha)
This mantra will aid greatly in the peaceful and harmonious transition to a new and positive energy states. With every moon cycle, remember to cross out the old affirmation even if there is a slightest change and create new ones. The perfect number for aspiration is 10. This means to list 10 aspirations and recite them every night until the next moon cycle. Remember never make the affirmations beginning with “I want”, it must be worded “I need to be guided..” Many people have asked the question how often they should have a reading done by a physic or a tarot reader. In my opinion an in depth reading should be done every moon cycle.
Obsession is not an easily control habit. Every one is obsessed with some thing in one way or the other and each and every one of us has Obsessive Compulsive Disorder of some sort. Though we may not see it or others may not observe it. Often times even our closest family or friends may choose to ignore or not notice it. Hence, they too may have similar defects, thus justifying your defects with their own.
How ever there is an intervention to this type of behavior. One of first step to stopping the obsession is to get fired this means to allow ourselves not to get so caught up in other people’s lives that we loose control of our own.
STEP 2: FIXING IT
The second step is to repair it if you have a degree.
What do I mean about degree or repairing it? In first step of controlling obsession, this topic was discussed but very briefly. It’s like any job especially those of prestige. For example we all play a doctor sometimes, we all play a repair person sometimes, we all try to fix things at times, and we think we can do it but sometimes in life we just cant. We are powerless over things which we do not know and pretend to do the things we can not do and often make fools of our selves trying.
In a relationship we want to be loving, nurturing, kind, generous, understanding and most of all compassionate. But isn’t it that we want the same from our partners? Men and women both have compassionate thoughts that we must be there for our partners at all cost this means to help them release their tension. And if we do release it and help them find an outlet then they will appreciate us more. But, we must realize a person should not love us for what we do rather who we are. This may be very difficult to swallow, especially with people with co-dependent qualities.
Co-dependent qualities are mostly found or rather being birthed during early years of our lives. Often times it stems from feeling helpless in our child hood times and feeling guilty of something that you were powerless over. For example children who come from families of alcohol, drug or abusive situations or even emotionally enhanced situations are more prone to feel this than those who comes form a stable environment. Often times these children will take it upon themselves to place the blame of the addiction, emotional abuse, physical abuse or sexual abuse on themselves by convincing themselves. By repeating, “If I had been a better son/daughter mom/dad/sis would not have done drugs or drank”, “If I had been there and been stronger perhaps I could have saved my mom/dad/sis/brother from being beaten or sexually abused.” There are many reasons why we could be blaming ourselves.
These triggers of co-dependency stem from our own dysfunctional thoughts that we may have not had the nurturing we wanted or we have been abused psychically, mentally or spiritually and place the blame ourselves. So it is natural to want to protect someone or fix someone or be the “helper.”
Often time this kind of behavior can either lead to the other person running away from you or they take an advantage because they too have been in situations where they may misunderstand your kindness for your obligation to them. In a relationship there should be NO obligation, it should be natural and it has to happen when we release these tendencies and focus upon being their, friend, companion, and a lover. Sometimes a good friend does not lift you up in a difficult situation but allows you to fall and waits for you to ask for help, and a true friend does not help but allows you to find your own way home and cheers you on when you are helping your self. A good friend says, if there is anything you need let me know. A good friend says, “I love you, please take care of you” and a good friend do not say, “Can I fix it for you? Should I do this or that? Do you want me to do this or that?” Most of all a good friend is simply by your side rather than impose them on to you and allow you the time and space you need to become a stronger person.
When we have fixed all our lives it is hard to break these patterns, but to do this there has to be an admission to want to adjust ones behavior. This means that you do not have to be the one that “saves the day”, nor do you have to be “Cinderella or the Knight in a shining armor”, because that is a fantasy land and it can only last for a short time. Because if you continue to save their day, then what happens when they do not save your day? When Cinderella keeps working until there is nothing left then what happens? The Fairy God mother shows her something else where she does not have to work so hard.
What happens when a Knight looses his armor? Inside that Armor he is just a man looking to be found but he keeps playing the Knight which he is not. According to Jody Hayes, in her book Smart Love, she explains that this attitude can become an obsession which can cause negative impact to relationships across the board. “It can wreak havoc with intimate relationships, in which the tendency is to confuse love with pity and therefore, to try to rescue those we love. When we behave this way, and after while all of our energy reserves are depleted. We have little left to give to others-much less our selves” (2001, pg.40). We can not fix anything we do not know how to fix.
In the first step of stopping the madness, I suggested to get fired or quit your job of being obsessed. I gave an example how you can not be a waitress when you can’t pick up after yourself. In the second step there must be an understanding that two people can not look at the same object the same way. There is always some difference. Just because you may have gone through a similar situation that does not mean the other person is going through it in the same dilemma or feeling the same as you had felt. If you have had financial difficulties in the past and you got two jobs to support your self, then you can not tell another person to do the same because…
A. They might not listen
B. That may think you are telling them what to do.
C. Making them feel inadequate.
Just because a person is coming to you to tell you about their problems that does not mean you have to fix it. Sometimes people just need to vent. This does not mean you have to fix it. It just means they have to get it off their chest. Unless you hear phrases like, “What do you think I should do?” or “Don’t you think..” or “ Do you know how ..? That is a person who may be asking for your opinion NOT to fix but just your opinion. You are not supposed to be their solution but someone who listens. Why do you think that going to a psychologist, social worker even a psychic is on a volunteer basis? Because they admitted they have a dilemma and they need guidance on trying to find out the root of the problem. They want direction. Also because it seems that you have already told them what to do or you did not listen. This is why I always say there is no black and white, there is no Yes or No’s it is the gray area that matters.
Between each story or a dilemma there are two sides, there is their side, and there is the other side and in between is the truth. When we befriend someone we do not expect our friends to always rescue us but we rely on them to be there for us. There is a big difference. A true friend/lover/family member may slap you hard verbally but that does not mean they do not love you. I am sure each and every one of you has had your mom scold you and the next day they told you they loved you. This just means they do not like the situation but that does not stop them from carrying for you. This is to just to say, figure it out and remember I still love you. Please do not mistake this for accepting physical or emotional abuse-it is a matter of metaphor, no one should take any kind of abuse.
Before one can be in a relationship with anyone, especially a romantic one, two people first have to be friends. This means since you can not fix you must learn to listen; if you want people to listen to you then you must acknowledge you have heard them. In the Reford Williams book, Anger Kills, he states there is “ABC of listening.
A. Is to decide that conversation is not about you or your experiences or your solutions and you can not associate the conversation is about you.
B. Before speaking your own mind, repeat to the other person what you understand that the message is. It may be redundant but you can place it in your own words so that person knows you heard them.
C. As you practice to listen and allow the other person the benefit of the doubt that you heard what they had to say. Then you embed the bonding and enjoy the world of not being the fixer” (1984, pg. 183). Listening is as important as being heard this allows more interactions of solidarity in any kind of relationship.
Often times, it is difficult to apply these tendencies because often times we don’t feel that we have been heard so we practice the “norm” which is to speak over them or become aggressive with our own behavior. However, you know being the fixer has not always worked for you because either it has killed the relationship pre-maturely or it has killed your affection. So, how do we fix our selves so that we do not continue to fix others? This is simpler than the first step and as you will notice as we continue to bring other step work it become easier.
Instead of worrying about how the other person is feeling emotionally, mentally or spiritually, you must first work on your self so that you are able to help with complete discretion when they ask for it. This means take care of your self, get exercise, do yoga, and pray for your needs rather than wants. And learn to leave things in the higher power hands. As they say go with the flow.
Instead of trying to help someone with their finances, take a deep look at your own see if you have any justification or stability to give them that kind of advise? Fix your self, stop spending, start saving, work hard, build a retirement fund, pay your bills on time, work a lot if needed to stabilize your own financial situation before you begin to be someone else financial advisor, you do not have a MBA if you did then you would not be listening this instead you will be living your life in financial comfort and letting things happen naturally. Opinions count but not advise.
Instead of trying to help someone that has an addiction of some sort, try to find out what you’re bad habits are first and fix them, to be a expert you must learn to quit because you have no qualification to speak of this. Your experiences count not your advice.
Instead of trying to find solutions of intimacy issues in the partner by helping them find medicine or to try to find the root of their problem try too look into your own. Ask your self the question what do you need to be satisfied? If you are not getting everything you need then are you reflecting this on to your lover intentionally or unintentionally?
Instead of trying to find solutions for them do you have all the solutions in your life? Are you trying to justify your self gratification by playing God? Even if they don’t ask for it?
Always remember a person has to ask for help. You can not assume because when you do you often make a a.. of your self never the other person. You might want to consider that when a person is talking or venting, that they are venting, repeat what they said in your own observation, then you might want to re-phrase the answer “In my experience…” or “In my opinion..” or “I know you can solve this your self because you know what you need to do..”, “I don’t see a problem here because it seems you have it all figured out.. Why don’t you feel confident in your self?” or “do you really need my help?” A ounce of encouragement and acknowledgement goes a long way since we are all ego driven.
All this can not happen if you do not decide that you are NOT the center focus. But to improve our relationships there has to be a understanding, adaptation, improvising and transformation. Accept that these changes will NOT happen over night if it does it is premature and 99% of the time you will revert back to your old self. But most of all do you have the strength or the capability to improve even more by going to Step 3?
If you wish to listen to the live version of this topic, you may click on the link below. It was aired live on BlogTalk Radio on January 22, 2010 at 9pm.
Every week there are winners, just follow me on BlogTalk Radio as well as patrons of Psychicbitch, and Psychicbiatch are more than welcome to enter, just join our show and listen go to “special give away tab” and begin you journey.
I want to personally congratulate the following friends, for their free gifts this is such a simple contest that you need to show up at the show and follow the tab special give aways. And many of you did just that; and some participated. Here are the confirmed winners for January 29, 2010, (I am only going to put first names for privacy reasons).
Since I was only able to stay on for one hour it became quite difficult for me to keep up with all the readings therefore… at this time there is only one confirmed winner..
Mellissa (Redeemed 1/31/2010 Value 19.99)
If I have missed your name and you were present at the show please take the time to fill out the Contact me form and I will check the log. If you do not contact me within 24 hours after the airing of the show the entry will not be valid.
Every week there is a new topic of the week, whether it is about relationships or lunar changes but there is always something new.
Once again congratulations go out to all those who listen and those who applied the steps to begin their life to a loving journey of solidarity.
I want to personally congratulate the following friends, for their free gifts this is such a simple contest that you need to show up at the show and follow the tab special give aways. And many of you did just that; and some participatedHere are the confirmed winners for January 22, 2010, (I am only going to put first names for privacy reasons).
Blog Talk Give aways
Carol W ~ Minutes towards next full reading (value 19.99)
Cheryl K ~Minutes towards next full reading (value 19.99)
Melissa~ Destiny reading 60 days (value 19.99)
Robert ~ Minutes toward next full reading (19.99)
Tempas~ Spiritual reading 90 days (Value 19.99)
Warren~ Destiny reading 60 days (Value 19.99)
If I have missed your name and you were present at the show please take the time to fill out the Contact me form and I will check the log. If you do not contact me within 24 hours after the airing of the show the entry will not be valid.
Every week there is a new topic of the week,whether it s in focus of relationships or lunar changes but there is always something new.
Once again congratulations go out to all those who listen and those who applied the steps to begin their life to a loving journey of solidarity.
Winners of Special Gifts
January 15, 2010
Topic of the discussion was how to stop the obsession in a relationship and the Solar Eclipse of the sun.
I want to personally congratulate the following friends, for their free gifts This is such a simple contest that you need to show up at the show and follow the above steps. And many of you did just that; and some participated
Here are the confirmed winners for January 15, 2010 , (I am only going to put first names for privacy reasons) .
Blog Talk Give aways
Carol W ~ Min towards a full reading (Retail Value $19.99)
Cheryl K ~ Min towards a full reading (Retail Value $19.99)
Elizabeth~ Destiny Reading Received on 1/16/10 (Retail Value $19.99)
Robert ~ Min towards a full reading (Retail Value $19.99)
Tessa~ Destiny Reading Received 1/17/10 (Retail Value $19.99)
(I must hear from some of you with information as well as what you have choosen)
If I have missed your name and you were present at the show please take the time to fill out the Contact me form and I will check the log. If you do not contact me within 24 hours after the airing of the show the entry will not be valid.
Every show that was broacasted through blog talk radio was archived with the topic of the week and the topic of December was expectations, chapter 6 of expectations was not broadcasted through blog talk becasue they are just applications.
The show begins at 9pm EST until 11pm EST every Friday night and you do not have to stay for the entire show you may come say hello and stay a little bit if you wish to or join our chat.
Here is the new number to Call-in Number: (914) 338-0876
Namaste
Maharani
Winners of Special Gifts
January 8, 2010
I want to personally congratulate the following friends, for their free gifts This is such a simple contest that you need to show up at the show and follow the above steps. And many of you did just that; and some participated
Here are the confirmed winners for January 8, 2010 , (I am only going to put first names for privacy reasons) .
Blog Talk Give aways
Melissa (Offer Expired 1/10/2010 5pm EST)
Shunika (Offer Expired 1/10/2010 5pm EST)
Tesa (Offer Expired 1/10/2010 5pm EST)
(This is what happens when instructions are not followed and emails are not checked on a regular basis)
If I have missed your name and you were present at the show please take the time to fill out the Contact me form and I will check the log. If you do not contact me within 24 hours after the airing of the show the entry will not be valid.
Every show that was broacasted through blog talk radio was archived with the topic of the week and the topic of December was expectations, chapter 6 of expectations was not broadcasted through blog talk becasue they are just applications.
The show begins at 9pm EST until 11pm EST every Friday night and you do not have to stay for the entire show you may come say hello and stay a little bit if you wish to or join our chat.
Here is the new number to Call-in Number: (914) 338-0876
Letting go of obsessive behavior patterns in a relationship is not easy. It can be very painful transition on an emotional, spiritual and physical level. But for this to happen we must admit to our selves that we do have a problem. We must also examine why our relationships do not fulfill us in the aspect we want it to. To do this we have to understand why we may think we are obsessed. But it is apparent that you may think that otherwise you would not be here.
To able to recognize obsessionwe must clearly define the word obsession. This means to understand it on a psychological level and physiological level. This means that an obsessed person may have to read and re-read this to clearly understand where it is they stand in area of their relationship as well as to understanding obsessive behavior patterns. It is important to go over them again because we must continue to recognize.
As discussed in the previous chapter, many psychologist, theorist and researchers have interrelated obsession to indulgence. Webster Dictionary defines obsession as “a persistent disturbing preoccupation with an often unreasonable idea or feeling; broadly: compelling motivation” (on the web). Therefore, agreeing that obsession is a feeling and we know that feelings are never consistent but always flux depending upon the relationship as well as the environment. Additionally, it has been proven that obsession is control geared through oppression of some sort. This means that obsession has oppressive energies we often constrain our selves without knowing it. According to Iris Young’s article Five Faces of Oppression, “While these constrains include distributive patterns, they also involve matters which cannot be easily assimilated to logic of distribution or decision-making procedures” (2004, pg 43). In easier terms Young is stating that oppression is a trigger which allows for obsession to constraints us. It also causes us to have only one way of thinking and logic is used only to justify our actions of obsessive behavior.
Though it is not easy to break the patters of these cycles it can be done. According to Jody Hayes, author of Smart Love, “this means letting go of our over involvement in the lives of others. It means letting go of depending on others for approval and of the need to have others act certain ways” (2002, pg37). There has to be some sort of consideration to realize our patterns through behavior. This is to embed the process to think about what we did or what we were doing before we got so involved in the life of others but it also means that we must admit that we are obsessive.
But to understand and admit that we are obsessed, there has to be a certain pattern that we continue to follow, which is to understand why we are never fully happy with our relationships even when things are going great. That the life spans of our relationships are short lived. Or that we keep going back to our ex only do end up making promises we can not keep, thus brining the relationship back exactly where it was when things got chaotic. Additionally, to understand and accept which is the number one step; admitting that we do have a problem is simply to recognize it first.
Though some of these questions may be redundant from the previous chapter,.it is important to go over them again because we must continue to recognize.
What is obsessive behavior in a love relationship ?
(from the beginning from 1 to 6 mo)
1. Buying your partner expecting appreciation and more affection in return.
2. Wanting to spend every moment with them and getting mad when they have other plans
3. Getting jealous when they talk about the opposite sex or someone they find attractive.
4. Getting upset when they do not return your calls right away
5. Getting upset when they do not invite you to a certain event or gathering.
6. Getting upset when they do not want to introduce you to their friends or family.
7. Getting upset when they have priorities in their lives and you are not one of them.
8. Getting upset when they don’t want you to come over or want to come over.
9. Getting upset when they are not always being feeling oriented (touchy feely)
10. Getting upset when they do not want to be intimate as much as you.
The obsessive behavior patterns in a long term relationships are often the same as the one in a brand new relationship however, the matters of commitments may be the core issues which causes insecurities. And by this time the oppressor has already failed recognize their obsession which was outlined as red flags, sending triggers but they choose to ignore it. Additionally, the suppressed enabled the oppressor by allowing this type of behavior and misunderstanding it as love and having hope it will change in the future.
Here are some of the issues of a long term relationship obsessive behaviors
1. Wanting to know what your partner is doing every moment.
2. Wanting to help resolve partner emotional, financial and spiritual issues.
3. Getting too involved with family and discussing your partners’ faults and looking for help.
4. Revealing your partner’s secrets to other people.
5. Wanting the partner to revolve their lives around yours.
6. Following them calling them and stocking them when they are being aloof and when nothing is found then making up a scenario to find out their reaction.
7. Trying too hard to fit into the friends and family circle of your partner.
8. Pushing for marriage when the other person is not ready spiritually, financially or emotionally.
9. Find the passwords of their email account or checking their messages if it be, text or otherwise.
10. Going through their personal belongings.
The worst part of this kind of behavior is that it can be difficult for a suppress to handle and often times they end up leaving because by this time they have lost all respect for you and their self-esteem is shattered so there is no room for real reconciliation because it is ego driven. The ego driven relationship could have three final conclusions:
1. The relationship happens very quickly everything happens quickly where two people could end up moving in together in a short period of time or plan for an engagement within months or even start making future plans which are to take place in 1 to 2 or even 3 years. They began to share finances, family as well as their own closet demons which they have not shared with anyone. And within a short period of time the engagement is broken or the suppressed moves out.
2. The relationship is not honest after some time the suppressed looks for solace in other areas of their lives by deceiving the situation through separating themselves from their partner in a indirect way for example, being dishonest, cheating, and being inconsistent with their behavior as well as communication. Additionally, they start hiding things from the oppressed waiting for a conflict to occur so they have a way out, not wanting to hurt the other person.
3. The relationship go into time out where now the suppressor has more control because the oppressor has felt so guilty that they try everything to bring the suppressed back into their life by making false promises. And the suppressed continues to maintain control by controlling the communication as well as the relationship. For example when things are good the suppressed actually wants to be with oppressed but when the pressure gets too much and the patterns are repeating then they run away again and again, therefore, there is neither real closure nor no real opening.
The question remains how does one stop the patterns of obsessive behavior? It has already been stated that obsessive behavior patterns is like a drug, you can not stop in an instant unless you have great resistant power. If you had great resistant power then you would not be in this dilemma. And most of all you would not be reading this unless you knew that some of the red flags are present. Like any addictive program it begins with steps and step work is very important for our resistance to negative patterns of behavior and a utility to bring healthy patterns in ones life.
Step 1
GET FIRED
First thing is to admit and get laid off from your job of trying to be obsessed and find another job which is to live your life before this all began. This means you are not your partner’s psychologist, mother, father, brother, sister, banker, maid, handyman, financial advisor, nor psychic advisor. You need not to solve any of your partner’s problems. If they ask for help then you may start the question by saying “I think…. , but I respect your decision” whether you like it or not it is their life. In turn they will respect you more by not trying to resolve their issues. Some people have the wrong idea that if they don’t help their partners or potential partners that the other person will feel that their partner does not care. A healthy relationship does not require obsessive behaviors. Detachment from the issues means to identify, my problems, his or her problems and our problems”, it also means to take care of your own needs so that the partner does not always have to worry about what you are doing and start fixing themselves and their issues. To do this you must..
A. Give them their freedom to do what they want whether you agree or not so that you are not their mommy or daddy.
B. Give them time so that they can resolve their own issues so that you are not their psychologist.
C. Give them respect by not enabling them by fixing their financial issues so that you are not their banker.
D. Give them their own pride so that you are not policing their lives
E. Give them integrity by letting them make their own decision so that you are not a nag,
F. Give them understanding so that you are not going around trying to help them make mends with their own conflicts with their friends, family or other relationships in their life so that you are not their mediator.
G. Give them respect whether they are correct or incorrect so that you give them honor.
Whether you choose to get fired or you quit it does not matter how you do it, what matter is that you do it, but remember you can not graduate or learn without doing your lessons and have the capacity to go to the next step which is to resolve issues outside of your occupation. So don’t go and find a job as a waitress when you can’t even pick up after you’re self. Most of all you can’t be a surgeon when you cant stand blood. Lastly, ask your self can I go to step 2? Have I learned or do I need to start all over again? But, most of all this worth it- Do I love my self enough to let the universe help me to get to step 2?
Ability to go to step 2 means that you are inviting ONLY healthy relationship that you are powerless over others, can you admit that? When you do then you are human and deserve respect and healing from the universe.
This topic was aired live on BlogTalk Radio on January 15, 2010 at 9pm EST. The archived clip link is below..
