Posts Tagged ‘give your old relationship a funeral’
January 31st, 2010 Posted 4:26 am
Step # 3
Lets have a Funeral
The steps to release tension of obsessions can be very difficult thus causing us to fight the urge to change however, I hope to bring positivity in your life and bring healthy relationship changes for a spiritual awakenings.
It is very difficult to control something that has been out ones control for a while. Its can also be even more complex if it is the only way that perhaps you may have thought it worked in a relationship. Often obsession is an outlet for our own suppression to a certain dilemma your lives and this is the only outlet that you can use without destroying your self but we soon find out it not only destroying us but destroying the people around us as well.
The steps to resist obsession or rather control obsession can be very intricate. Especially, at time we may find our selves doing the very thing that we said to ourselves we would not do. Instead of punishing our selves we may want to try to say, “Wow I caught it” this means you are aware of it and not in defiance.
Now that you are not in denial and you began the step work because you either realized that the behavior patters are not working and that the relationships you carry are not sustainable or stable. You may have also discovered that you may have been not as happy as you wanted to be in that relationship and you fought for a change but you may have thought it was the other persons fault because either they did not understand you, left you, betrayed your etc.
Though that first two steps were the most difficult in breaking the patterns of obsessions which were..
- To get fired
- You cant fix it
And now…Step 3 : Have a funeral
Now we are going into more personal nature it can only be difficult if you allow it to be but does not have to be.
We are all very weak to memories, some good and some bad. We also notice when we go to our relative’s homes or visit friends and can’t seem to understand as to why they keep things from years back or start talking about things that happen years ago and often we mistake it as lectures. But what we seem to not understand is we do the same thing. But sometimes those things we hold on to are not always good. Especially when it comes to old relationships memories, especially material things such as letters, pictures, clothing, emails, things that our partner gave to us etc. Matter a fact it is such venom that even after the relationship is long over we look back at the memories of that other person and never give a 100% to our new partner because we are always in a comparison mode.
Often times we must let go of patterns of behavior that is really unhealthy for us. Sometimes we need to let go of people that are unhealthy as well. Sometimes all as failed and the only resort is some sort of a funeral service. Whether you are a Christian, Catholic, Jewish, Muslim, Hindu or any religion it does not matter. What matters is how honest are you to your self to want to do this? The only way to bring healthy things in our lives is to understand everything in life dies.
We are so fixated to attachment to something to someone that sometimes we hang on to relationships because we do not want to be alone or hang on to material things because perhaps we can have that time back. But we can not recover the past, we can not be afraid of being alone because we all have been alone when we were younger and we did just fine. The world that you may have lived in was a fantasy can not be realistic now. You have to be healthy to bring healthy relationships but to do this we have to inventory our selves. There are only 3 steps of this inventory. Ask you’re self:
What’s so good about holding on to things or feelings of the past?
- What is the worst that could happen if I don’t hold on to it?
- What am I so afraid of? Is it because I know I am not perfect or he is not perfect?
I always say that the value of relationship definition comes from our own expectations, and it has been researched and theorized that when we have high expectations we always fail, because we are not accepting of a situation, person or place the way it is rather we are living in a fantasy where we mold it into what we think it should be.
To be able to disconnect the cord of dysfunctional tendencies we must disconnect ourselves from the material world by symbolically doing things on a physical plane so that we affect it in our spiritual plane.
When you realize the person whom are with is not really on the spiritual or emotional plane as you are and you know deep in your heart that no matter what you try no matter how much you tell that person how you feel it seems like a dead end and the only thing you are holding on to is the “honeymoon state” then you know it is really not meant to be.
When you realize that the other person has betrayed your trust or even that the other person is with someone else and going back and forth can not continue. The more you let go the more the person goes back and forth.
This is because you are attached to them on a physical world and they continue to destroy your spiritual world. The only you can detach is disconnect on a physical plane.
So lets have a funeral.. and here is how it is done.
- Gather every letter, physical items, photographs even gifts place them in a box and write a letter to the universe where you must release the energy of that person because you have to. It is affecting you spiritually, emotionally, physically and financially. I personally have done this many times in my life not only with the ones I have been a relationship with but even friends because even friends have a way of darning you.
- Go in nature or even near a place where people will not mind you burning things or even your backyard if you have one. Remember they are just material things cost should not matter because it was real at that time and today is no longer real. Do not gas it but use camphor and light the camphor inside the box or boxes. Depending upon the number of items in the box it may take time. But be sure you place aluminum foil at the bottom of the box so that it does not damage the ground. During which time ask the universe to let the healing begin with you and the other party and help you forgive the other person for their actions and help you understand why this had to be let go. I have often done Astrotravel or even meditated during the burning process.
- After the items are done burning and even those that did not burn. Bury them under a tree or near things that grow. Make sure you place flowers on the ground.
- Make a few confessions to the universe such as I bury this which was once a part of my life now it has out grown me. Or Help me meet the person who is worthy of me. Or bring me solutions where my energy should go rather then focusing on others to make me happy or trying hard to help others.
Through these methods we allow the universe to pull away the negative energy from you and bring light where it is needed. According to Judy Hayes in her book Smart Love, she says “When you are letting of old beliefs and habits and began to replace them with positive ones, this is sure a sign that you are on the right road to recovery”(2001, pg 46). However the recovery begins with you. The longer you hold on to the past the more difficult it is to move into the future.
This type of behavior is not negative, rather positive that you are setting boundaries in your own life, because until you learn to love your self-you can not possibly love others.
Ask your self this.. do I want to continue to chase rainbows or do I want relationships that are the healing work of the universe? If it is the latter then ask your self can you go to step 4?
As you know prior to blogging, the first place this topics are announced is on blog talk radio, below is the link to the show. The show is only one hour long due to the fact of my own every day life exhausted me and many people were down because of the Full moon in Leo. I know full moon’s always exhaust me…
Enjoy the show!